Night Gallery You Can Come Up Now, Mrs. Millikan/Smile, Please (1969–1973) Online

This episode titled Smile, Please, is one of the many short Night Gallery vignettes, which for the most part border more on being funny rather than scary, and conjures debates among fans of the show. I personally enjoy their 70's charm, especially the vampire stories. This episode is barely 2 minutes long, and it stars Cesare Danova and Lindsay Wagner, who sports an English accent, and is trying to become the first person ever to photograph a live vampire as it sleeps. Danova accompanies her to search for the elusive vampire and promises her she will certainly get her shot. Soon after, she notices that the bed to which the creature sleeps is empty, and turns to question her companion who promised her a picture. In a predictable conclusion, he steps back and bares his fangs and says "cheese" to the startled woman. Silly I suppose, but I enjoyed the dark castle and the settings. I've always been a sucker for vampires, scary or not.

'You Can Come Up Now Mrs. Millikan' - Ozzie & Harriet Nelson plays Henry & Helena Millikan, a long-married couple devoted to each other despite their mutual failings: He is a failed scientist/inventor desperate to make his latest formula work, she because she is always late and inept. He still uses her in an experiment of reviving the dead, but doesn't take into account her habits, which leads to final disaster... Shrewdly cast piece almost works but in the end comes up as short as its lead characters.

'Smile Please' - Lindsay Wagner plays a woman trying to photograph a vampire, and that's all there is to it!

No two actors made such an amazing career out of being dull than Ozzie and Harriet. Their weekly show with sons Rick and David were masterpieces of bland. I guess Ozzie was a bandleader at one time. In this episode, Ozzie plays a scientist who has one failure after another. His perpetual motion machine only lasts for about six seconds. Harriet plays a woman who is forgetful to a fault. As a matter of fact, today she would probably be diagnosed with dementia. Ozzie depends on her to remind him of things and she forgets. When he blows up the living room, she can't remember that he asked her to clean the place. Now he wants to try a new experiment. He wants to poison Harriet and then bring her back to life. His nephew happens by and blows the whistle on Ozzie before he can see if his efforts come to fruition. This sets up the circumstances that end the story. Ozzie is a perfect choice to play the innocent, clueless scientist. He is eternally hopeful and about as dense as poundcake. It's an acceptable episode.

Imagine my surprise when the principal players in "You Can Come Up Now, Mrs. Millikan" turned out to be one of America's earliest popular TV couples, Ozzie and Harriet Nelson. Ironically, it's Harriet who takes on the absent minded, perhaps Alzheimer challenged partner in this story, whereas real life husband Ozzie conveyed the same sort of character in their close to reality TV program. It would have been cool if one or both of their sons, Dave or Ricky, were brought into the story, but we'll take what we can get.

Anyway, Henry Millikan (Ozzie) is a frustrated scientist who's inventions generally blow up or fall apart, but with perseverance, decides he's going to cure wife Helena's forgetfulness by poisoning her and bringing her back to life! We don't learn this till well into the story, therefore it's more than troubling that he informs nephew George (Roger Davis) of his intentions in such a nonchalant manner.

There's a double twist coming at you when the story comes full circle, as Henry decides to off himself when it appears that his revival plan for Helena doesn't work, while George imbibes a glass of wine tainted with the same poison his aunt had been drinking. As it turns out, absent minded Helena was just late as usual.

The back up story for this week's offering was another in a long line of one note vampire jokes featuring Cesare Denova as an agent booking a vampire photo shoot for Lindsay Wagner's character. I don't think I'd be going too far out on a limb by using Denova's quote to describe this effort - "Cheese".

"You Can Come Up Now, Mrs. Millikan" - Hopelessly inept inventor Henry Millikan (an amiable portrayal by Ozzie Nelson) creates a potion that can revive the dead that he decides to try out on his ditsy wife Helena (a disarmingly sweet Harriet Nelson). Director John Badham gives this segment a likeable lighthearted tone that turns dark for a while before ending on a funny upbeat note. The Nelsons display an engaging natural chemistry; they receive sound support from Roger Davis as concerned nephew George Beaumont and Michael Lerner as the irate Dr. Burgess.

"Smile, Please" - A photographer (lovely Lindsay Wagner) meets a vampire (smoothly played by Cesare Danova). Very slight and silly, but still fairly amusing.