Night Gallery The Diary/A Matter of Semantics/Big Surprise/Professor Peabody's Last Lecture (1969–1973) Online

I adored the Night Gallery and was very pleased to have recently gotten the complete series.

Many of the segments are, frankly, mediocre, but some are classically terrifying. The episode with Roddy McDowell as the nephew who kills his rich uncle and Ossie Davis as the butler, the episode with Carl Betz as the doctor, "Camera Obscura" with Rene Auberjonois and Ross Martin (taken directly from the short story of the same name), and many, many others: all of these were good for a night of keeping the lights on. It's both good and rather sad to see all these great actors we grew up with who've since passed on. ~sigh~ I just finished watching "Big Surprise" again. And it's still as frightening and funny as ever.

Professor Peabody is teaching a seminar on mythology at Miskatonic University, and makes it plain that his opinion of the subject matter couldn't be any lower. He airily dismisses superstition as "Balderdash," commenting to one of his students that "Ancient man was out making sacrifices to nonexistent gods" when he should have turned his faculties to harnessing the elements.

Alas, the Prof ends-up picking on the wrong gods, who take a dim view of his view of them. They are, of course, the "Old Ones" of H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulu Mythos, and the professor insults them and then accidentally invokes them with a spell he reads aloud from the Necronomicon. Their vengeance is fairly grotesque but the episode manages to end on a light note anyway.

Carl Reiner is superb as Peabody, the man who just doesn't know when to shut up (there is a lull in the proceedings, indicating that if he'd just quit while he was ahead, the Old Ones would have let him off the hook.) He's also the professor who constantly cracks jokes which are completely unfunny. The students who are identified by name are the In joke-- the names are connected to Lovecraft: Mr. Derleth, Mr. Bloch, and Mr. Lovecraft himself. The latter is very well portrayed by Johnnie Collins III, who was a dead ringer for Billy Mumy. He is very good-- his face expresses perfectly his growing sense of alarm as he seems to realize what is really happening.

All in all, very good.

I happen to agree with the reviewer who thought the "surprise" was a bit of a letdown. The short episode certainly had a terrific suspenseful plot, which has an old farmer(played brilliantly by creepy John Carradine)promising a young boy a big surprise, if he agrees to dig where the farmer told him to. Naturally, the 3 kids are intrigued by the idea of what could be under ground; one of them thinks it could be money, another thinks it's probably a prank. I liked the atmosphere of the digging area, with the surrounding church, farm, and trees, although it may have been creepier if this scene occurred during the evening instead of the middle of the day. The 3 begin to dig and bark at each other because nothing's been found yet, so 2 of the boys leave determined Chris by himself to keep digging for the supposed surprise. Long story short, he digs about another foot and finds an old old crate(perhaps a coffin)and the old farmer emerges and says, "surprise" and starts to laugh, ending the episode. I know this was based on a short story, but I thought more imagination could've really made this segment more effective and scarier. That being said, it's still one of the better shorts from the controversial Night Gallery.

This is a mixed bag of stories with what might possibly be the shortest complete TV segment of all time. That would be 'A Matter of Semantics' featuring Cesar Romero as Count Dracula, who wants to open an account at a blood bank by making a withdrawal! It blows by quickly as a one line joke.

The opener stars Patty Duke in an uncharacteristic role as a totally self absorbed gossip columnist making lives miserable for just about anyone she comes across. Her target in this story is aging screen star Carrie Crane (Virginia Mayo), who at fifty looked pretty good to this viewer. Miss Crane's unexpected gift of a diary to Holly Schaeffer (Duke) comes with pre-written pages in Schaeffer's own handwriting, and the opportunities afforded by some clever writing could have taken this story in any direction at all. As it is, Holly's attempt to write an alternate chapter on day five of her diary genuinely unravels her sanity and consigns her to spend her days in an asylum, a fitting if horrific retribution for the acerbic writer.

Unlike some other reviewers here, I thought the third entry was a hoot, with old man Hawkins (John Carradine) getting his kicks by sending a trio of naïve youngsters on a wild goose chase to find a hidden treasure containing a 'big surprise'. I guess one could interpret this story in any number of ways. Personally, I thought the old coot played one of the biggest practical jokes of all time on the kids. I just had to laugh.

I thought the last segment was building for a really dynamic payoff with Carl Reiner portraying a college professor who holds the ancient gods in contempt and invokes their names to the consternation of his students, who see the sky roiling and the heavens about to exact some sort of vengeance on the rabid teacher. I don't know if the ending was supposed to be scary or funny, but just as I did with Carradine's story, I just had to laugh.

A "clairvoyant diary" is the item of the supposedly supernatural starring Patty Duke as a derisive, acid-tongued gossip television show commentator popular for her daily criticisms and belittling of celebrities caught in embarrassing situations. One particular target, a former beauty of the silver screen (Virginia Mayo, "The Best Years of Our Lives; who I thought was still quite lovely), gives Duke a diary she found and not longer after walks in front of a moving vehicle. Duke discovers her handwriting detailing the event yet proclaims that she did not pen the entry. Before long other diary entries detailing future events begin to consume Duke, her hardened, edgy attitude and cynical personality beginning to dissipate, her sanity tested. She relies in her psychiatrist (David Wayne; many might remember him as the insufferable hypochondriac who make a deal with the devil in the Twilight Zone episode "Escape Clause") for help, but Duke may be too far gone. The dreary Duke character is a real cipher and deserves what's coming to her, karma returning the favor for all her sins. Duke attempts to figure out a plausible means of beating out the possibility of demise since a particular day in the diary is blank. The Bionic Woman herself, Lindsay Wagner, has a minuscule part before her television stardom as a newly hired nurse in a mental hospital. I won't sugar coat this, I found "The Diary" hard to get through because Duke's character is so toxic, her personality nasty and obnoxious (how so many people would even want to be around her surprises me to no end).

After "The Diary", a super quick "A Matter of Semantics" has Count Dracula (an inspired Cesar Romero in the full Bela Lugosi costume and make-up) "applying for a loan" at a blood bank! Now Richard Matheson's "The Big Surprise" is a dandy because one particular kid (Dick Van Patten's son, Vincent), along with two other pals, is told by the local reputed "creepy man" (John Carradine, in a wonderful piece of inspired casting), who lives off the beaten path (the kids walk from school in what appears to be a Midwestern part of the country), that a big surprise can be found near an oak tree, buried four feet deep. Patten's two friends help dig for a while and give up while he forwards ahead having no clue what lies in wait for him. To ponder the result, you have to wonder what will happen to the kid, if the surprise was to scare the hell out of him or something possibly worse. "Professor Peabody's Last Lecture" is producer Jack Baird's ode to Lovecraft as Carl Reiner's cynical professor lectures his class on the preposterous nature of cultic beliefs, his criticism directed at the "Old Ones". Reiner's Peabody drops these jokes that go askew to a not-so receptive audience before reading names of the Old Ones (written on his chalkboard), worshiped at one point by people in the past, stirring up quite a storm, so to speak. A student is named Lovecraft (stuttering and oh so eager to ask questions), the Necronomicon is read aloud to the class (Reiner gets so sweaty, bug-eyed, and worked up, the storm intensifies but cannot duplicate his fervor), and the mentioning of Miskitonic University even finds its way into the dialogue. The end result—regarding what happens to Peabody after reading the Necronomicon—is a gag I found rather silly but seems to fall in line with the tone of the tale. This Night Gallery episode is far removed from the kind of work Serling was (and is) known for.

The Diary 2/10//A Matter of Semantics 6/10//Big Surprise 6/10//Professor Peabody's Last Lecture 6/10

"The Diary" -- A strange diary reveals the grim future for nasty gossip columnist Holly Schaeffer. This mean-spirited tale leaves an unpleasant aftertaste due to a main character who's extremely hateful and obnoxious. That said, it's still satisfying to see the despicable Schaeffer get her just harsh desserts at the conclusion.

"A Matter of Semantics" -- Count Dracula (an amusing turn by Cesar Romero) visits a blood bank to make a withdrawal. Fairly funny one-joke premise with an obvious, but decent punchline.

"Big Surprise" -- Creepy old hermit Hawkins (John Carradine in fine lively form) promises three boys that if they dig open a ditch they will find a big surprise waiting for them. Director Jeannot Szwarc ably crafts a spooky atmosphere and the twist ending packs a wickedly uproarious punch.

"Professor Peabody's Last Lecture" -- Snide and condescending professor Peabody (a hilariously pompous portrayal by Carl Reiner) savagely mocks ancient powerful gods while delivering a lecture to his class. Reiner not only has a robust ball with his juicy role, but also there are several inspired in-jokes concerning the names of Peabody's students. Moreover, this particular segment boasts a real corker of an outrageous climax.

As one can see, there are mixed feelings about the segment entitled "Big Surprise." John Carradine plays a scruffy old man who beckons one day to one of three boys walking home from school. I don't believe the time period is precisely defined, although the boys are walking with their books lashed together with a belt, thrown over their shoulders - a rural practice that my mother spoke of from her childhood in the 1930s.

Carradine gives the boy directions to a place where he should dig down four feet and find a "big surprise." What could it be? A joke? Money? The boys discuss the probabilities and then finally decide to dig for the surprise. All three help dig, but eventually all but the first boy give up and go home. This boy continues to dig until he uncovers a locked wooden box or crate . He breaks the lock and the lid opens on its own. The boy looks in surprise and perhaps fear - it is the old man who comes close to the boy (the camera) and says, creepily, "Surprise."

Now some have supposed that the story is nothing more than an old man's twisted prank, and that may be. But at one point the boys mention that the old man is never seen off his property. The crate/box is locked from the outside until the boy breaks the lock. Me, I fancy that the old man is a spirit or demon confined to the property unless he can convince some hapless passerby to open the demon's only possible escape hatch. Fanciful? Perhaps, but plausible, I think.

I saw this on the recent DVD release and I must say that the actors all did a good job-- they delivered their lines well and their physical characterizations that accompanied same matched. All in all, I have no problem there.

The ending, however, ruined it for me. Chris (Vincent Van Patten) finally succeeds in hitting pay dirt, if you will-- he finds a rectangular lid that is chained shut and breaks the lock.

SPOILER:

The thing opens slowly, the kid backs himself into a corner and looks suitably terrified. Up pops the farmer who says "Surprise!" and starts laughing.

I presume that the idea is that this is the old guy's grave, meaning that when he is shown at the farmhouse he's merely a specter. But the way Carradine is positioned in the hole relative to its edge makes it look like he's standing on a ladder. If that was what it was SUPPOSED to be and this was just a cruel trick on the farmer's part, then they shouldn't have bothered, as it lowers it to the status of one of the unfunny vignettes Jack Laird insisted on.

This example of poor blocking kept this from being a great segment.

This is one of Night Gallery's "quickies," (lasting maybe a minute or so) in which the pedantic Peabody, very ably embodied by Carl Reiner, in boring his college students to sleep. He is giving a disrespectful lecture about some of H.P. Lovecraft's deific creations, among them Great Cthulu and Nyalathotep. Peabody makes no secret of his contempt, and through the window, we see the storm clouds rapidly gather. Peabody comes to the climax of his lecture, lightning strikes, and the good professor's head is transformed into something less than attractive. Like many of the Night Gallery episodes, this one has a lot of tension, but is a great deal of fun.

'The Diary' - Patty Duke stars as a heartless gossip columnist who targets an aging(but still beautiful) actress(played by Virginia Mayo) who is driven to extremes by the stress, including giving her a cursed diary which metes out a special kind of justice... Best of these four with the Duke character getting exactly what she deserves by the clever ending.

'A Matter Of Semantics' - Inept comedy short with no point at all.

'Big Surprise' - John Carradine plays a sinister-seeming man who plans a big surprise for a young boy. Not bad, but still all build-up with little payoff.

'Professor Peabody's Last Lecture' - Goofy in-joke comedy short with silly outcome.

As a high school kid, I fell in love with Patty Duke. She had that show where she played an American school girl and her identical cousin. She sort of sparkled. In "The Diary" she is an unadulterated virago who set out to hurt people with her scathing, gossipy diatribes. She seems to have no remorse. When an aging actress has alcohol problems, she goes after her with a vengeance. The woman is defenseless, appearing at a party and handing Duke a Diary she has purchased at a great price. Soon thereafter, she commits suicide. Duke shows no remorse, harboring back to a difficult childhood as justification, challenging her shrink when he attempts to help her. It is the Diary that is at the center of all this, or is it?

"A Matter of Semantics" is another one of those Dracula throwaway things that were frequently inserted. Basically a lame joke.

"Big Surprise" features "John Carradine" who played Dracula more than any other performer. He lives in an old house and the kids are petrified of him. He gets one of them to approach and tells him the location of some sort of surprise. He and his buddies dig four feet down until two of them have had enough. We are led on by what the big surprise will be. I have to say, for me, it was a disappointment.

"Mr. Peabody" Last Lecture" (no, not that Mr Peabody) has Carl Reiner playing a very boring professor who is teaching his charges about the ridiculousness of some things that are thought to be religions. He tells lame jokes and allows nothing to deter him. He invokes the Cthulhu mythos and all its characters and speaks disdainfully of it as a storm rages outside the building. His students have interesting names: Lovecraft, Derleth, and Bloch among others. He also reads from the "Necronomicon" of Abdul Alhazred. These are, for the uninitiated, all part of the H. P. Lovecraft world. The conclusion is predictable but fun. By the way, if you've not read any Lovecraft, this is an invitation.

This was taken from Wikipedia, however, please keep in mind that, as Harlan Ellison has stated: "Wikipedia is to the Encyclopedia Britanica, what Dachau (WWII Nazi Death Camp) was to Health Spas."

(From Wikipedia) ... He (Spielberg) did another segment on Night Gallery "MAKE 'EM LAUGH" (some people claim that he also directed a short five-minute segment called "A Matter of Semantics" when the credited director (Jack Laird) had to back out for unknown reasons, but this has never been confirmed) ...

This may or may not be true. But if so, it's a compelling piece of Spielbergian trivia, and worth viewing by any true aficionado of his work.

But again, keep in mind, this is rumor and has NOT been confirmed !

A science fiction fan all of my reading life, of course I'm also a fan of Rod Serling's various TV incarnations. And the stories and writers from which he ploughed his scripts. The most voluble student was named Lovecraft, enough said about that.

But, i LIVE IN 2014-and with the benefit of hindsight and present sight-was really saddened to see "all evil and chaos and destruction of humanity" laid at the feet of an "Arab" and his philosophy out of nowhere and for no good reason whatsoever.

Lovecraft certainly made no such intimation.

It really shocked me to my core- to see how deep, how pervasive, how easily accepted the evilness of Arabs have been inculcated into the American consciousness for,at least, demonstrably- 43 years.