Soap Episode #4.15 (1977–1981) Online

Episode 84,the fourth of five hour-long Monday broadcasts,begins with the Governor offering Burt the Lieutenant Governorship and a run for the Senate during a round of golf with Gene(Jay Garner),the money man who already owns "6 Governors,18 Congressmen,4 Attorney Generals,11 cars,12 houses,but not one Senator!" (Burt:"own?" Gene:"well now I'm just joshing with ya,ya can't own people,that misguided fella Lincoln saw to that!") Rushing home to Mary,Burt is not pleased to hear her story about how their baby can fly and move things around,also showing an amazing interest in art for a 1-year-old.No one is pleased to see Jodie's doctor show up with the still-hypnotized Julius,who can't believe this is his family(he calls Mary a "Rockette," and Burt "Wyatt Earp").The doctor can't say how long it will last,but has an interesting conversation about mental health with Bob,before realizing he's been discussing things with a dummy(Bob:"you turn your patient into an old Jewish man and I'm the dummy!" -this was the final appearance of the extraordinary Jay Johnson).Maggie(in the last appearance of Barbara Rhoades)meets this new Jodie,who has no memory of his life with this beautiful redhead,but enjoys smooching with her nonetheless.An unhappy Chester meets Dutch in a sleazy downtown eatery,where they are served by a cynical Counterman(George Wendt,later of CHEERS); Counterman:"what'll it be?" Chester:"eggs...you think you can make them without Pennzoil?" Counterman:"oh God,we got Sir Laurence again!" Chester:"I don't know how they do it,they make greasy coffee!" Dutch:"Billy hardly speaks a word of English anymore,and Annie is miserable..." Remarking on his fantasy sex life with Eunice("she should be in bed with Walt Disney!"),and the huge collection of boots he's now acquired playing a cop,a storm trooper,and a forest ranger,Dutch is soon reminiscing about "the good old days of screaming and scratching Corinne!"(we all missed Corinne!) Danny is depressed about his life,but can no longer turn to Burt for solace; he pays a visit to Chester's pool house to see his father,and finds an equally depressed Annie all alone,ever since her wedding to Chester.They both wonder if their disgusting habits are the reason people abandon them(Danny:"I wouldn't leave you just because you drink like a Saint Bernard!"); marveling at each other's bodies,things begin to heat up(Danny:"if I wasn't feeling so terrible,and you weren't my stepmother,I'd...look at it harder!" Annie:"well,if I wasn't feeling so miserable,I'd...me too!") Both awaken in bed together,feeling terrible about how great it was(Danny:"we've committed inquest! My own father finds his son in bed with his wife,who's my mother! We'll never mention it again...we'll just do it once more and that's that!") Jessica hopes that Burt will try to patch things up with her sister,but he proves to be unresponsive,especially to the idea that they should see a "shrink"; he later addresses a small assembly of Congressmen,now hawking his own brand of bats("the Bat Campbell bat,one size hits all!"),while two unsavory characters discuss something else("Campbell's getting too dangerous now,it's time to kill him...").