Killer Ninjas (1984) Online

This film stars Stuart Smith (billed here as Stuart Steen) Now for those of you not familiar with this 'actor' you really NEED to see him in action, for when he delivers a line (even beneath dubbing) he really puts his all into it! Just watch his over acted, exaggerated facial expressions as he delivers his dialogue in this and other films such as 'The Ultimate Ninja' for a great demonstration!

Sadly however, he actually hardly appears in this movie!

In fact the original movie into which the new scenes featuring Stuart Smith have been spliced, must surely rank as one of the most jaw drop-ingly dreadful atrocities ever to (dis)grace my TV screen!

It was so bad in fact that I literally had to fight from falling into a state of catatonia as the interminable 'storyline' (which I couldn't understand anyway) meandered on aimlessly for what seemed like an eternity! Yes folks, this was surely the cinematic equivalent of purgatory as described by Dante in Paradise Lost (although in truth, this was probably far, far worse!)

But just as I was about to drift off into final oblivion, Stuart Smith suddenly appeared in an action scene! AT LAST!!!

We see him driving in a beat up looking old car when suddenly a ninja jumps onto the roof and proceeds to stab his sword repeatedly through it! Fear not though, this evil ninja ends up under the wheels of the car and our hero reverses over him a few times! However the ordeal isn't over yet, for lying in wait is yet another ninja, this time armed with explosive tipped arrows! This miscreant scum bag fires one which blows up our heroes car (seemingly with him in it!) Surely no man could survive such an ordeal?!

Apparently our hero is no ordinary man as in the next scene he is running around (sans his shirt) and is attacked by more assailants (dressed as gardeners!)

Wow! I was wide awake again after all that action but……..much to my dismay…….the OTHER story suddenly came back on again!

I can only liken the sudden come down effect this had as being like when one feels a big sneeze coming on and then……nothing comes out!

It wasn't looking like I was going to make it to the end of this movie…..I really could not take much more of the dreariness….but then….with only 15 or so minutes of the film to go, things took a completely unexpected and dramatic turn…….

You see good reader, the last 15 or so minutes of this film are possibly the most hilarious 15 minutes in cinematic history! 'You jest' I hear you say? Trust me on this…..you really have not lived until you have seen the last 15 glorious minutes of Ninja In The Killing Fields.

How to describe it? Where and indeed how can I begin to relate the absolute genius (unintentional I suspect) that makes for the climax of this film?

In what has to be the most brazenly spectacular example of cut and paste film-making ever, the army in tanks (from the original film) appear to take on hundreds of (newly edited in) Ninja! We thus get to witness numerous shots of ninja getting blown sky high after tank shells land right next to them! It is so over the top that one can't help but to gasp in astonishment!

But this is only the beginning!

The main ninja villain having realised that perhaps the tide has turned against him takes a few of his ninja cronies and attempts to make a get away…..in a crappy looking old car!

From a distance away our hero spies them (with a telescope!) and with a whisking motion of his hand suddenly turns into a yellow silk clad ninja!

By this stage I was in disbelief but….it gets even better (or worse depending upon your view point)

The ninja getaway car gets stuck in a ditch (presumably dug by our hero) This obstacle prompts the ninja occupants to get out and give their vehicle a push.

Now on paper this might not sound particularly out of the ordinary but there's just something innately hilarious in watching these supposed masters of the deadly arts of ninjitsu heaving a car out of a ditch!

Aided by this time consuming diversion our hero is able to move in on his opponents and he manages to wipe them out with considerable ease.

The stage is now set for the final confrontation between our hero and the main ninja bad guy.

During this final battle our hero manages to cut off one of his opponent's hands but incredibly the severed hand itself makes one final desperate attempt to kill him! The yellow ninja finally blows his opponent away with a handy wrist gun type gadget which would no doubt make even James Bond envious.

But this isn't quite the end….for in one of the most bizarre and surreal final moments of any movie we see that the bad ninja has in fact turned into a toad (!)….which then multiplies into 2 toads, 4 toads etc (!!!!!)

I simply can't recommend this absolutely mad movie enough! You really must see it to believe it!

I bought this piece of nostalgia on VHS for approximately 3 US $, the reason I got it was because I had seen a couple of other great unintentionally funny ninja-movies before and hoped this would be the same kind of turkey! I got what I asked for..

I never understood the movie completely, but some friends of mine told me that it was legendary in Thailand or something...and why is that, you ask? We will probably never know!

The "hero" is apparently a young Asian man with BIG nerdy glasses who runs around with his friends...or if we consider the spliced-in movie, it is the stupefied American "agent" (Stuart Steen/Smith as a poor mans Patrick Szwayze), or perhaps the hero is Paddy!?? (oh, just kidding...Paddy is only in the movie for about 5 seconds, so it probably isn't him we're supposed to root for, although some other guy we don't know screams "Paddyyy! Nooo!" just before he himself gets killed).

The ending really puzzled me, but apparently Toads and Ninjas are connected in some way..and Ninjas drives old dirty cars instead of just running or hiding in true ninja-fashion.

I give this piece of cinematic junk 5/10, because: 1 = The Hero's UGLY glasses made me laugh every time I saw them. 2 = Paddy's appearance also made me laugh a lot..who the hell was he, and why were we supposed to sympathize with him?? 3 = The word "ninja" was in the title. 4 = The BAD GUY BOSS NINJA was hilarious!! And finally 5 = Stuart Steen's fantastic over-the-top overacting is really great! He rocks!

And those pink silky "ninja-uniforms" don't scare NO ONE! I loved the Ninja's super-fast clothing-changes though.. totally stunning cinematic magic! Another fun thought to think about when watching this movie: How come the guy in the pink shirt has 9 lives?? He gets killed so many times, you should think he was invincible!

If you like bad Ninja-movies, I also recommend "Mafia Vs. Ninja", that movie made me laugh so hard my face and gut was in pain!

I usually get a big kick out the cut-and-paste ninja movies coming from director Godfrey Ho or whatever pseudonym he uses. However, I have to admit that I found "Ninja in the Killing Fields" (a.k.a. "Ninja Connection") to be a big bore. The main problem with the movie is that there is much less ninja nonsense displayed here compared to other Godfrey Ho movies. In fact, you have to wait until the very last scene of the movie to get ninja nonsense that's the least bit amusing (and energetically choreographed.) Most of the movie is footage from what appears to be a Thai movie, and while this footage occasionally shows some decent production values (the filmmakers obviously got the cooperation of the Thai armed forces), otherwise it is extremely boring, with far too much talk and little action. And when there is action, it is for the most part lamely directed. Whether you're in the mood for a straight action flick or an action flick that's so bad it's good, this movie doesn't satisfy either way.

Ninjas in their sanctuary watch as their plans are busted up by the cops. They then decided to take matters in their own hands by going after the cops...or something...

Look its bad, I mean really bad. Two minutes in I knew this was yet another Godfrey Ho film, though he used one of his dozens of other names. You know Ho, he's the whacked guy who takes good martial arts/Asian movies then shoots wrap around footage that doesn't match, re-dubs and re-cuts it beyond all recognition and turns it loose on the unsuspecting world as a "new" film. He made a long line of ninja films with Richard Harrison that barely had Harrison in them. Ho's so good at this nonsense that he'll use the same movie with different wraparounds and call them different movies. He's a master of the junk film. I wouldn't care if they were put together with any sort of skill, but they're not, I mean its plain to see the old and new footage do not match in any way. Worse any thing good in the old footage is killed by the really bad new footage. Its so bad its bad and not even remotely fun.

As with all Godfrey Ho films its to be avoided, or sent to your worst enemy in the world as an expression of your deep hatred.

A typically incompetent cut-and-paste ninja movie from Tomas Tang, one of the "unholy three" of '80s cut-and-paste ninja movies - the other offenders being Joseph Lai and Godfrey Ho. Here, the editing of not two but THREE (perhaps FOUR!) movies makes even less sense than usual, considering that the film opens with footage of ninjas watching a movie on television - then that movie suddenly becomes reality! Sounds fantastic when in reality it's just dumb. This time some Thai war/crime thriller film serves as the crux of the plot, on to which scenes of a bunch of ninjas (led by an unmissable guy in bright red clothes and a green headband) sitting around in a dark room and talking a bit.

Although the film doesn't star Richard Harrison for once, the guy who dubs his voice is on hand to supply another official's voice which makes for some amusement. This time around the hero is Stuart Smith (baddie in NINJA HUNT), one of the most wooden and unappealing leads for some time - but then lithe and sweaty heroes were all the rage in the cheesy '80s. As the film progresses, there are some UNDER SIEGE-style antics aboard a ship at night in the edited-in Thai movie, which features a huge shoot-out and lots of confusing editing. Then follows a brief segment which appears to be some Thai Vietnam war movie and has nothing to do with the rest of the 'plot', ninja or otherwise! One action highlight involves Smith running into a soldier who magically transforms into a ninja and jumps on to the roof of his car in an attempt to kill him before falling off and sliding under the wheels of the vehicle moments later. Minutes later another ninja lurking in the bushes fires a flare arrow at Smith, exploding his car. An inexplicably half-naked Smith is then attacked by a gardener with a pair of shears in one of the film's numerous unintentionally funny bits (the ninja getting shot with a flare is another). The ninja battle in the woods which marks the film's close is classic stuff, with all kinds of impossible gymnastics, ninjas being strung up from trees and exploding, then the chief evil ninja getting his arm amputated - at which point the severed limb turns into a torpedo-style weapon! The incredibly strange ending, which involves a bunch of teleporting frogs, is weirdness par excellence and unforgettable stuff.

I am a big fan of low budget kung-fu movies. This movie I bought at a Dollar store in a mall, along with 4 other low-budget action movies for only five dollars! I knew right away by reading the synopsis on the back that this movie was going to be great, but I didn't know just how great until I watched it.. I couldn't stop laughing! It has drug dealing ninjas! The head ninja is hilarious because he looks like he bought his costume from Kmart. It is a reddish polyester type ninja suit with a green headband, complete with a HORRIBLE shiny paper ninja star glued on his forehead.

The complicated and excruciatingly long drawn-out plot might make you want to stop watching this movie.. But the best part of the movie does not come until the very end when the final battle happens.

There is a dramatic EXTREMELY hilarious showdown between hundreds of drug dealing ninjas and the Army/Police. It was AMAZING!!! If you are a fan of low-budget kung fu movies with impossibly confusing plots and even worse acting, Ninja in the Killing Fields is for you. You can find it at your local Dollar Tree!