Actress Apocalypse (2005) Online

Are movies fun to watch? Yes! Are they fun to make? Not really. Even Steven Spielberg himself has often referred to "Jaws" as his own personal Vietnam. Now we get an inside look on just how "not fun" it is in the hilarious mockumentary "Actress Apocalypse".

Filmmaker David B. Lincoln the 3rd sets out to make what he believes will be his magnum opus, an epic slasher film called "Clearwater Canyon". And what is this movie about? Get ready..........a big, gay, mulleted Indian who likes to murder women. Where is it being filmed? In a shed. Lincoln has so much confidence in his project that he hires a film crew to document the experience.

An actress shows up to read for a role. She is then exposed to the script which, needless to say, contains some of the worst dialogue ever written. This sets her off on a rant in which she insults the filmmaker and his would be film.

Enter the director's psychedelic nut case of a brother, Vance Lincoln, whom he puts in charge of the auditions. These two are as different as day and night. David wants to realize a vision and Vance just wants to get laid. Vance refers to the actresses as hookers and questions his brother's film-making methods. This leads to one of the funniest moments in the film in which Vance proclaims "He doesn't even make these girls suck his c**k! You call that professionalism?"

After a procession of bitchy actress, Vance starts to become unhinged right before our very eyes. He decides that he wants to take control of "Clearwater Canyon" and turn it into zombie movie. A gay zombie movie. This in turn causes even more tension between the two brothers. More bickering ensues and then the inevitable happens. Vance kills one of the actresses and slasher turns to snuff. David however is determined to get his film made so a dead actress is merely a temporary set back. He continues to leave Vance in charge of the auditions and the bodies continue to pile up.

Actress Apocalypse is one of the funniest off the wall comedies that I have seen in awhile! It takes the world of independent film-making and turns it on it's pretentious, overblown head. The performances are great too! Greg G. Freeman is a star in the making. An actor of immense charisma and talent whose convincing performance as the murderous brother will leave you hoping for some sort of continuation of the character. Jay Ingle also provides many laughs as a camera man whose flamboyant wardrobe would cause Elton John to do a double take. And last but not least, David Nigoghossian's dead on performance as the dim witted yet egotistical director.

I should warn you that there is a large amount of nudity in this film so if nudity is something that offends you then ummmm.........good luck with that.

Speaking of nudity I was very impressed with the caliber of women that the filmmakers found for this. Usually, when a film is this low budget, you tend to end up with broads covered in bruises and track marks. The girls of "Actress Apocalypse" are all very healthy and drop dead gorgeous.

Being that this is such a low budget film, the audio isn't exactly THX quality but if you are a Herschell Gordon Lewis fan like myself, that shouldn't bother you too much.

So be sure to check out "Actress Apocalypse". I don't think I'll ever look at backyard film-making in quite the same way!

I really enjoyed this movie. It's a no-budget movie about the making of a no-budget movie. It's like a demented This Is Spinal Tap for the indie horror crowd.

The film centers around three main characters producing the film within a film I'm not sure how much of the dialog was improve but it comes across as very natural. What the film lacks in budget it makes up for with a hilarious script, strong acting, and loads of gratuitous nudity from a very attractive group of supporting actors.

I came across this because it was listed as horror, but it's primarily a dark comedy with a strong exploitation back beat. If you have a twisted sense of humor then you'll probably appreciate this.

The first released film from director (and obvious psychedelic cinema fanatic) Richard R. Anasky is nothing less of an exploitation masterpiece. You'll get to be a fly on the wall when some seriously disturbed people decide to make their very own no-budget horror film. The two Lincoln brothers set out to make a slasher film involving a gay mullet-headed Indian, but as the feeble minded brother (David B. Lincoln the 3rd) can't handle the situation his psychotic brother (Vance) takes over and chaos ensues. You'll be treated to a whole horde of beautiful nude women, a surprisingly amount of humor, the best editing I've seen in a film. Although the nudity gets a little too drawn out at the end, the film still delivers what it's set out to do: giving you a great time in front of your TV. Greg G. Freeman as Vance Lincoln and Dahlia Legault as Layla (the one person responsible for the whole chaotic downward spiral of Vance) are really the two actors who stand out in this film. Greg's chaotic and psychotic acting is among the best I've seen in a long time...this guy will go places. So what are you waiting for? Get your Actress Apocalypse DVD, grab some popcorn and enjoy a mighty fine piece of exploitation cinema!

That is the best way to describe how I feel about this film. I bought this as a blind buy at the local FYE and popped it into my player that night. It is probably one of the BEST blind buys I have ever done. Why, you ask? Simple...because it works. The back of the DVD says that it is a mockumentary-exploitation with the spirit of Russ Meyers...and that's EXACTLY what it is. The movie is hilarious! But also VERY dark. There's some necro humor in there (not enough film these days have that!), which I thought was sick/hilarious. I don't remember when the last time, or if ever for that matter, that I was laughing so hard and then in a split second just go, "whoa...that was **cked up!" Also, I would like to point out that this is one of the finest exploitation films I have seen as of late. It's hilarious/sexy/**cked up, it's got beautiful women as well as some great music. Listen, don't go into the movie thinking you're going to get a shot on film million dollar masterpiece...cause you won't get it. What you will get, is a shot on dv, hilariously screwed up exploitation movie. Just go with it, you'll have a GREAT time! You'll be laughing at the movie and at the same time going; "I was just laughing....but...why? This is so wrong!". All in all, a very, VERY good movie, with very dark undertones, and a great cast. Note to you indie fans out there...at the end of the film, after the credits, Greg Freeman who plays "Vance", actually THANKS us for watching the film. How many movies do you know that do that? So rent it off Netflix if you want, or if you find it at your local FYE, pick it up. You'll have a great time!...and besides...isn't that what you want in a movie?

Well, maybe not.

Constructed like a behind-the-scenes documentary, the kind that end up as DVD extras by pretentious directors, Actress Apocalypse follows the exploits of ostentatious filmmaker David B. Lincoln the 3rd as he attempts to make his magnum opus. Along for the ride is his goofy horn-dog brother Vance and a ragtag crew of incompetents, and the production is pretty much a disaster from the get-go until Vance comes up with a less-than-inventive use of the casting couch and a much-more-inventive means of dealing with prima donna would-be actresses.

This film is not for everyone, but if you can get past David's grating personality, Vance's in-your-face fratboy sensibilities, and the shrieking profanity spewed by many of the cast, you are in for a good time. This film feels less directed at the mainstream viewers and more of a wish fulfillment for any filmmaker out there (and in this day and age of DV, we are legion) who has troubled deaf heaven with bootless cries while watching his or her personal vision circle the toilet in the hands of incompetent elitists.

It's hard to like most of the characters in this film; that's not the point. Rather, see them as a microcosm for the indy film scene, a cadre of extremist kabuki actors preening for a more esoteric group of fans. It's not always pleasant, but neither is Pasolini's Salo, but that never stopped people for paying $500 for as bootleg disc when Salo was out of print. Actress Apocalypse doesn't even cost 1/20th of that, and it throws in lots of nudity and some steamy girl-on-girl action to boot.

What more could anyone ask?

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

A user on the IMDb recommended this movie to me. It does my heart good to know that some people think of me when they find a sleazy movie. "Actress Apocalypse" has many scenes of actresses disrobing, stripping, posing, and just generally being naked. In fact, the credits are played over scenes of two girls kissing in the shower. As the man said, "That's the way you start a movie."

Unfortunately, I didn't like "Actress Apocalypse". The movie is set up as a fake documentary of the making of a B-movie. It's got something to do with a mullet headed Indian killing women. I was not a fan of "The Blair Witch Project" and like that movie, "Actress Apocalypse" is full of improvisations. They make it up as they go along. Lots of improvised conversation, lots of screaming, lots of improvised screaming. The director screams at his psychotic brother who in turn screams back at him. They both argue with the boom operator and everybody bellows at the actresses who are auditioning. The movie is set up as a series of auditions for a slasher flick that usually ends in an actress apocalypse. The brother just cannot control himself.

"Actress Apocalypse" is one of the most hyper movies I've ever seen. Every film-making trick is used. It reminded me of "Natural Born Killers" in its attempt to beat the viewer into submission. I was worn out watching this kinetic mess. It was stuck in permanent overdrive: Switching from color to black and white, splicing in quick flashes of nudity, etc. This movie made me tense with its non-stop screaming and film-making insanity.

Although I didn't like the movie as a whole, there were still some good things here to enjoy. "Actress Apocalypse" does not skimp on the gratuitous nudity. There were some hot women in this one. Having the girl continually walk back and forth naked was an especially nice touch. It's this dedication to exploitation that I admire.

Overall, "Actress Apocalypse" was just too wired for me. I loved the nudity in between the screaming matches but the continual yelling and fighting drowned out any sleazy goodness from all of the fine exploitation scenes.