Back Woods (2001) Online

I cannot honestly say that director Grant Woodhill's Back Woods is the worst movie I've ever seen. The problem is that I've seen Tony Malinowski's Night Of Horror (1978) (which you'll only be able to find on an old copy of the VHS, if they haven't all been burned by now). Back Woods is probably the second worst movie I've seen, and I've seen thousands (including lots of no-budget horror).

The positive reviews on the Internet for Back Woods can only have a couple explanations. One, they were written by someone involved with the disc. If so, they must have been written only by someone in a position to gain financially from your spending a couple bucks on this turkey (they are probably trying to recoup the $20 they spent on the production plus the thousand or two spent to manufacture the disc and hire the sole professional associated with the project--whoever created the artwork for the case). The other cast and crew can't possibly want you to see this. The only other option is that they are written tongue-in-cheek by people who like to perversely mislead, who think it's funny to say that something is good if it's in fact terrible, and/or who aren't going to go down with a sinking ship unless everyone goes down.

If you read the box text, Back Woods sounds like it might be worth watching, especially if you like your entertainment on the bizarre side, or if you really enjoy "so bad they're good" films. Both of those descriptions fit me. I love John Waters. I'm an Al Adamson fan. I like Ed Wood--I even enjoyed watching Orgy of the Dead (1965), which is basically 90 minutes of moderately tame go-go dancing. I love Troma. I think that Andreas Schnaas' films are entertaining in a perverse way. Heck, I even gave Cabin Fever (2002) a 10 out of 10!

The problem is that if you hadn't read the box, and you tried to give an "objective" description of the film to someone, you'd have to say, " 'Filmed' on a digital camcorder with low resolution by someone overly amused by a couple cheap optical effects, Back Woods is what Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) might have been like if made by a nine-year old who grabbed a handful of people at random in a county park, armed with bottle of strawberry jam for blood, and just made up the film on the fly, with the state park as the only location, in about three hours."

The most aggravating thing about the film, perhaps, is that it wouldn't have to be as bad as it is. It seems like the "filmmakers" made absolutely no effort, in any respect. There is no reason that the whole film has to be shot in a county park, with no sets. At one point, a picnic pavilion is supposed to be a gas station. You know this because they wrote the word "Gas" on a piece of cardboard with a magic marker and placed it on top of a garbage can. The villain, Luther, and his mom, both played by fat men, supposedly just live in the woods. Not in a house, they just stand around in the woods. During a flashback, one character has a moustache that was drawn on with an eyebrow pencil. There is little concern with editing or pacing (of course). There are scenes where the camera just travels through the woods slowly for a couple minutes, and nothing else happens; there are scenes of someone walking through the woods and calling a name for about five minutes; the scant 60-something minute running time is further padded out with a nonsensical 'fast reverse' replay of the whole film at the end; and the director was so amazed that he got the lead actress to show her breasts that he lingers on them for about a minute.

They don't even really try to create any gore effects, which usually are the best things about these kinds of no-budget horror films. People like Andreas Schnaas convey a true love for the horror genre, despite the fact that maybe they're not that talented and can't get together a lot of funding for their films. They still make the best horror films they can with the resources at their disposal. On the other hand, people like the crew and cast of Back Woods only convey that they'd like to rip you off for a couple bucks, and want to spend as little money as possible to do it.

Surely someone involved with Back Woods lives in a house or apartment. It's not that hard to take a couple rooms and dress them. It's not that hard (unfortunately) to find talented make-up and effects artists who'll work for free, just for the chance to do something in a genre they love. It's not that hard to learn how to shoot coverage and do some computer editing. It's not that hard to find writers who'll donate decent, or at least passable, scripts in exchange only for credit on the film. It's not that hard to locate someone with a home digital multitrack who would record some looping (dubbed dialogue) and maybe some foley (sound effects) for you, so that viewers can actually hear lines the actors say and it doesn't sound like they're inside a plastic cup. But you'd have to care about what you're doing, and care about the genre to make those efforts. The Back Woods team didn't care.

Some have erred on the side of kindness in interpreting Back Woods as a spoof, and have even claimed to laugh while watching the film. Unfortunately, I can't buy that attitude. Yes, the plot is ridiculous and could have humor potential, but the film would have to not suck on a technical level to even begin to approach that. As it is, it's as funny as watching paint dry.

You can put me in the group of viewers (or more accurately, victims) who watched this film in awe of the sheer stupidity that was unfolding before my eyes. Unless you're a friend or family member of someone involved in the film's production, I cannot fathom how anyone could enjoy this movie on any level. And no, this has little to do with the micro-budget, since I've certainly watched good movies that were made on a shoestring. It has to do with the utter lack of talent involved in the writing, acting and shooting of this mess. I don't think it was ever intended to be scary, since it's so ridiculous, but even as a parody, or send-up, or whatever they were trying to create, it fails spectacularly. This is EASILY one of the ten worst movies that I've ever seen, and watching this film is probably about as painful as giving birth was for Luther's mama.

Oh my. Well, based on the somewhat "positive" reviews this film has received on here, I decided to get my hands on a copy. From the first frame my jaw was on the floor. Not because of how gory or inventive this film is, but how downright awful and sloppy it is. I don't have a problem with low budget movies at all. I respect anyone with the dedication to put an ultra-low budget movie together (believe me, this is as low budget as you can get!!) as long as they make a decent attempt to make the best of what they got. This film does succeed as a black comedy, I laughed my ass off many times during it, but more because of the sheer stupidity of what I was seeing. The film is about a back woods "woman" who get pregnant 30 years ago by a guy named Deek, who instantly leaves her. Well, 30 years later, she is still pregnant and finally gives birth, quite unconventionally, to Luther, a 30 year old, 300lb retard. To sum this up, teenagers accidentally run his Mommy over and hide the body, which causes him to go on a murderous rampage. The murders consist of Luther swinging an object and then a shot of a body part of piece of clothing flying through the air. Oh, and we mustn't forget the scene where he chews this womans breasts apart, but it is SO obvious that they are hunks of nylon and plastic. I don't know what else to say about this...the film quality is POOR, sound is POOR, special effects are POOR, and it is chalk full of continuity errors. However, it is not a total loss because I did get a good laugh out of it. My suggestion, if you think you are getting a decent slasher flick like I did, avoid this, but if you want a hysterical laugh--this is your film. 2 out of 10.

Let's get something out of the way, folks: the majority of the positive reviews written for this film are being done by those associated with its production.

This film is so awful that I dare say it is not even a matter of opinion. Therefore, factually, this film is awful. It does not succeed as a film on any level. More was spent on the box art than on the entire film, which becomes apparent the moment the first few frames hit your television.

I've probably aroused your curiosity because now you're wondering just how bad this film could possibly be, right?

I guess some people have to learn the hard way.

How could you not watch a movie with a cover like that! This movie was made on a budget of less than $1000 and it shows! If you think it looks ridiculous, wait until you hear what it's about! A woman, who has been pregnant for 30 years, gives birth, out of her ass, to a 30 year old, 300 pound, retard baby, after which she gets hit by a car. The man-child proceeds to tear her dress off and put it on. He then goes on a murderous rampage, going by the name mangina. He kills, he mutilates, he eats their privates on a gory rampage. This was hysterical, but how this thing ever got national distribution and a sequel is beyond me. As the saying goes, now I've seen everything!

If I could give this a ZERO or NEGATIVE, I would. I can't help but wonder at who the 10 folks were (at the time of this writing) who gave this an 8, 9 or 10!! I'd call this a student film, but it's not even of that quality, not even as a high school project, barely adequate as a 7th grade expository. Great Caesar's Ghost, even my group of friends at age 12 could've done better than this. Looks like the budget was a quarter and the shooting schedule was timed with a stopwatch instead of a calendar. Man, Ed Wood looks like Hitchcock next to this thing. Don't let the nice DVD box art fool you. PU in spades!! Since I have to give this 10 lines of text to post, let me recommend a much better shot on video horror flick, Hell's Highway. That one triumphs even with it's small budget, because it has a literate script and production folks who care about the production enough to give it some life.

I haven't achieved much in my life. I've lived "under the radar" and haven't taken many risks. But I have seen "Back Woods" *TWICE* . The effort it took to pop that DVD in a second time can only be described as Herculean. I learned a lot about my limits during that film. I don't know who will ever read this review, but rest assured that you and I (having never met one another) could go outside with the money we have in our pockets right now and film a better movie in less time than it would take you to watch "Back Woods". "Back Woods" was so bad that any description of how that "movie" (if we can define it as such) was "made" (if that indeed is how it came into being) would involve more description of the plot than is actually presented in the "film". Here's a taste : a fat man slathered with ketchup erupting from a latex cervix and a psychedelic deer/man/ghost with confusing sexuality haunt a forest and mess with some kids. It's like some buddies got drunk on Keystone Light and tried to film a horror movie before the buzz wore off, then some girl took her top off (but amazingly her breasts could barely hold my attention any longer than her catatonic acting)and some guy tucked his junk backwards. Fun night right? Except, the next day they woke up and actually tried to make it a real movie. Then gave up and tried to make it a comedy. Then gave it to a junkie to edit and he tried to make an art film out of it.There's moments in the film like when one of the actors(?) puts on a mustache and affects an accent and suddenly is playing the father of another character and you realize that was supposed to be a flashback or during the fifteen grainy minutes of tree shots so loving that i would not hesitate to describe it as "forest porn" that you realize :they didn't intend this. Despite the joking and the gore and the breasts...they thought this would actually be a real movie. And it is for this reason that "Back Woods" fails so completely. All the ego and naivety mixed together and created a cinematic black hole. Don't watch it. Ever.

Oh yeah SPOILER ALERT they play the entire movie backwards at the end so i guess maybe i saw it four times.

After watching this you just have to ask:Who did what to whom to get this thing distributed? Was it blackmail or something? Why? I like bad movies as much as the next masochistic freak out there,but you just have to draw the line somewhere.The only thing I can honestly say was more painful to watch is "Night of Horror". If you just have to watch it just to say you survived the trauma,then I understand.Otherwhise stay far far away from it.

It's nice to see some folks get together and produce something.I think all of us have had dreams of getting a movie together,so I really can't blame the folks responsible for "Back Woods". Unleashing it on the general public on the other hand was uncalled for.My brain still hurts.

Oh... all right... it was rather funny at times,so it's not a total loss. Don't say I didn't warn 'ya though...8)

3/10 on the Drive-In-freak-o-meter.I'd give it a 2/10 ,but that's just too mean for something that made me laugh.1/10 is reserved for the hell that is Disney films and musicals...shudder

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After watching this one a few more times...yes really...I've changed my mind.It's grown on me and now I feel bad for blasting it! I had fun watching this film. Yes it's cheezy. Yes it it true that it is far from professional and "good", but it is fun and amusing.

The filmmakers had a good sense of humor and it does show. The more I see it the funnier I find it, and for that I have to give credit where credit is due. I too am drawn into the powers of Mangina!

so...I take it back. I'll give it a 6 on the Drive-In-Freak-O-Meter...If you are a fan of the really cheezy,check it out!

BACKWOODS is a comprehensively bad movie, and I don't mean of the so-bad-it's-good variety: I will spend more thought writing this review than the filmmakers put into it.

The "film" (shot with videotape) opens with random shots of the woods, seen through what looks to be the eyes of the beast in WOLFEN. (That's a really popular effect in these cheapos.) Our narrator has obviously had his voice artificially slowered. (I just coined a phrase: "slowered" means slowed down and lowered. Remember when we used to play our 45s on 33-1/3, and we thought it was hilarious? Apparently, the sound department, accredited to Nick Clemente, still does.) Only here it's meant to be scary. It's not. That is the first of many "nots" in this "film".

This is followed by a random and gratuitous scene of humping in the woods, then the obligatory "30 Years Later..." title card. Our killer-du-jour is Luther, who is dropped by his mother in the woods, fully grown. The labor scene is the first of many such grotesqueries in this freak show. Mama (Jim Edberg) hops around the woods as if she's about to unleash a mammoth turd. Well, she does, but his name is Luther. This is played for laughs. Yes, apparently shitting out a full-grown child passes for humor these days. This is another "not": Not funny. There is an unwritten rule to these things: If it's going to gross us out, at least make us laugh; It's only offensive when it's not funny.

We can tell from the first few seconds that David Hayes' portrayal of Luther is going to have all the grotesquery and none of the funny. After Mama is struck down by a van full of college kids, Luther loses whatever mind he had and dons his mother's dress and wig and goes on a killing spree. Again, this is all played for laughs: It's funny to see fat men in women's clothing, right? Let's make fun of fat people, rednecks and transvestites in one swell foop while we're at it.

Then we focus on the kids for a while: Mandy (Anna Schmeiekka) and Johnny (Patrick Hazen) are an item; Leroy (Jug Wang DDS) and Lisa (Mara Goldman) are too. Sammy (Mike Thallemer) is the fifth wheel. The table is set for some gratuitous sex and pot-smoking, two mainstays of any killer-loose-in-the-woods entertainment.

Our filmmakers (David Hayes wrote the script in addition to giving us a performance that is unforgettable in all the wrong ways, and Grant Woodhill, who is responsible for the character of the stepfather, also directed) were not content to just make an awful, irredeemable video: They also decided they were clever enough to parody other films in the genre: Friday the 13th, Halloween, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Just Before Dawn, Psycho and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre are all borrowed from or alluded to in some way. There is only one problem with this: If you're going to parody a film, you'd better make sure your product is better than the film you are parodying.

Once this mess of a film is set up, it is mercifully time for the killings. I don't say that because I'm bloodthirsty: I say that because I desperately wanted it to be over, so I was happy to see the countdown begin. Again, the brain trust behind this production was not content with simply knocking off the characters one-by-one. They had to do nasty things to them physically and sexually and linger on them like lascivious voyeurs. These set pieces reminded me of the cat who drags in some nasty rodent from outside and has a look on his face that says, "Look what I brought you." Patrick Hazen, who doubled as the film editor, should have been given free reign to chop these scenes to pieces, saving himself and his co-stars at least a little public humiliation.

There are undoubtedly some who get off on this fare. Honestly, I could have forgiven the whole thing had it just been funny. It's not. When you look at a film and find yourself wondering if they had left the tape blank, would it have been more entertaining, you've gotten hold of a real turd. This film should be a reminder for everyone that just because you have a video camera doesn't mean you should make a movie.

If you are looking for something Oscar worthy, the tree you're looking for is not in the Back Woods. Some reviews have completely ripped this movie four or five new A-holes; while others praise it beyond reason. If you take this movie for what it is; it is an amateur attempt at a horror comedy. There were parts that had me laughing out loud, while other parts made me cringe. It is goofy and disturbing throughout the film. Some scenes could have used better editing, especially in the beginning. But all in all, it was a pretty good job for a handful of kids with a camcorder.

By the way, I have no association with this movie. I accidentally discovered it off Amazon, and I don't regret the purchase.

I won't get into this movie, but the movie's premise is (in a loss for words) corny. We see a fat lady get raped, and hearken to 35 years later she's still living in the woods (stil) pregnant with the boy conceived 35 years earlier. Now the fat lady is a fat man with a wig and a back pack reversed (so it is on his belly) to mimic a pregnant stomach.

Shortly after that we see the lady's ass (which is a bad prosthetic) separate and spit out a 300lb baby. I'm not sure what possesses him to kill, but he does and all of the typical slasher clichés follow.

The movie as a whole is just cheap, even for a low budget production. It seems like NO expense was made to make this film. A gas station is merely some guy sitting n a chair next to a 55 gallon drum with a spray painted "gas" sign on it. Everything was cheap and it all looked cheap. Acting was horrible and so was the directing and editing.

I thought this movie would at least be (so bad that it's) funny, but it wasn't It was bad and it was stupid.

I tried to give this movie a 1, but for some reason it's not possible. I just feel utter pity for those who were involved but not responsible for this movie. This movie is the poster-child for retro-active abortion. I can't believe I have to admit I've seen worse. This movie is rather scary. Once it has hit you that someone can release something like this, you will be scared. A budget of twenty-five cents. The special effects evidencing that budget. The acting skills of...well, we'll leave them out of it. They use a park pavilion as a gas station. You know it's a gas station by the cardboard sign with the word "Gas" on it. You may want to keep the control close to you while watching, with your finger on the volume button. I think there may have been a microphone somewhere in the making. The camera work is a disaster, the plot worse, the continuity within the plot going down even further. The movie is about a transvestite redneck retarded-genius mass murderer(TRRGMM), and plot is basically: A woman gets pregnant, carries the child for thirty years until giving birth to Luther, in what is a very interesting delivery. Luther and his mother live in the woods. Their life is rough. They don't have a house, a shack, a roof, or anything else. No, they live outside. After a group of campers run over the mother, Luther vows vengeance, puts on his dead mother's dress, thus becoming the TRRGMM. It takes great skill to watch this thing the whole way through. After the first watch, it does become easier. I found myself laughing the whole way through the second round. I like the bit where you can hear traffic on the "deserted back road." You may notice that after certain people die, their bodies may become deformed, missing hands and feet, very pale, or maybe just unconvincing. The nudity scene will help you get through to the end credits, but will not redeem it in any way. If you dare see it, you may say it was the worst thing you have ever seen. I, on the other hand, can say I am familiar with the work of the Polonia brothers.

First off for such a low budget they did a unbelievable job. I have never laughed harder in my life. My friends and I started to watch it and during the long intro were saying "oh god is the whole movie gonna be like this" (refering to the negative scene) but after that it pick up and completely ignored any and all boundaries. Several times I wondered to myself "are they really gonna do that" and they did.

Anyone who bashes this movie probably didn't even get past the first 5 minutes and if they did watch more than that and still bash it they need to stop and think about what the makers were really going for.... Were they really trying to make the end all ultimate serial killer movie?.?.... No! What they made was one damn funny movie.

I thank everyone involved in this movie cause it reminded my how great it was to make movies with your friends and i hope the stuff i come up with is half as good as this movie was

this has to be the worst movie made of all time.don't bother spending money to watch it,my friends and i could make a better movie.last Christmas my mother bought sleazy slashers a collection of bad movies i watched all of them,but i couldn't even get to the end of backwoods.I understand about low budgets but please make an attempt,first they have a man thats supposed to be a women,OK i can deal with that,but it wouldn't take much effort to get a girl from the streets to play Luther's mom"the retarded genius"also i understand about not having a good place to shoot a movie,i might even use a park for my spoof on this movie,but i have a little more money then the 25 cents spent on this.and at least try to film a real gas station,instead of putting up a sign saying gas,even if it means you have to pay for gas,,do two minutes of filming there..i know that wasn't a good review but this movie just was terrible,i would rather watch Tromeoe and Juliet,or toxic avenger 100 times before i will ever put this movie in my DVD player again

OK people this is my first "review" and actually i made this account just for this purpose of commenting on this movie ... my woman grabbed this movie at the local hastings(she often gets me stuff at random knowing i love b-flicks)....now i expected it to be low budget ....but not as low as it was ...and at first i thought" oh man what did i get myself into" ...well i have to say for being little to no budget ...its the greatest film i had seen in a long time ... my friend charles and i watched it and hurt from laughing so hard....I'm beyond glad she got the film for me and in fact it has ranked in my top 10 ...right next to army of darkness .... thats right i said it ...right next to it ..and i meant it ... if your expecting a huge dramatic horror film with million dollar effects about a fat dude killing people go rent some crap like the new Texas chainsaw .... but if you want a film that will have you cracking up, get "back woods" ....a film for people who enjoy things like a 30 year old man coming out of his moms butt in the first 10 minutes ...now thats family fun .... and that was the point of the film ....well maybe not the family part ....

(4),

vocalist-GOD IN A MACHINE

David Hayes (oops forgot the C) David C. Hayes might be the micro budget answer to Dom Deluise and Chris Farley , all wrapped up in one smelly package. I got lost in his forest like back hair watching this enjoyable abortion of a film. Keep it up Dave, you scare Hollywood!!

Luther... The greatest character in movie history? Yes folks. Yes he is. David Hayes has the performance of a lifetime playing the *ONLY* 300 pound, retarded-redneck transvestite serial killer I've ever seen played with this much talent and charisma (move over Eric Roberts!). BRAVO! Tears flow when watching his POWERFUL birth.. only rivaled (BUT NOT SURPASSED!) by the first appearance/birth of the Alien in Ridley Scott's "Alien". The heartbreaking moment when his mother is killed is easily as powerful as Bambi's own mother getting shot down by evil hunters. Oh.. so much to talk about. I love this movie. David Hayes has burrowed his way into my really, really large and unhealthy heart.

Forget about Kane Hodder as Jason , Gunnner Hansen as Leatherface, Robert Englund as Freddie, Carter Hagerman as the Silo Killer... David Hayes as Luther, the 300 pound transvestite Killer is bar none the finest mad dog killer on the loose performance of all time. I shouldn't pigeon hole this acting performance with other horror characters, it's right there along side Val Kilmer in Tombstone, Jack Nickolson in A Few Good Men, Marlon Brando in One Eyed Jacks... It's a shame this title went straight to video, because I guarantee we would have seen Mr. Hayes standing at the podium in his XL tuxedo saying, "I'd first like to thank.." I can't wait for the sequel!

After viewing Back Woods, I knew one thing. This is the greatest movie I have ever seen. When I see this film, I think of The Toxic Avenger meets The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Luther is the greatest psycho killer film has ever seen. David Hayes is an inspiration, no, an icon. He will no doubt fill our lives with one brilliant movie after another. God bless you, David Hayes, for you are truly a genius.