Shaolin Grandma (2008) Online

This movie was a riot. Absolutely one of the funniest things I have seen in recent years. The acting is generally awful, especially from our leading grandma, but it doesn't matter at all. The total ridiculousness of the plot, cast, special effects and our lovable, totally mute grandma will win you over.

The movie starts when the local mailman discovers the dead grandma in her home and begins to rummage through her things. Finding what he thinks is her will, he begins reading and the story of Gran's life unfolds.

The dojo at a Shaolin temple, Miyoko (grandma) is defeated by a rival and ousted into the real world. She and her two followers learn how to survive Tokyo and soon begin work at a bar, throwing out rowdy patrons while entertaining the crowd with song and dance. From here until the end of the movie we see Gran trying on bras, playing croquet, trying many different sexual positions, defeat those who ousted her from the Shaolin temple and, of course, get married.

The beauty of this movie is it is short. At only 72 minutes it becomes a fast, entertaining beer and popcorn movie. The humour lies in the absurdity of this 67 year old woman kicking arse and doing so silently. It serves its purpose well.

At the remote and hidden Shaolinji temple, Miyoko, also known as Shaolin Grandma , has practiced martial arts fighting techniques there for many years. When she is badly defeated by Ippon-ashi, her young and attractive rival, Miyoko is thrown out of the temple. Loosing her identity, Miyoko and her two Shaolinji apprentice misfits drift to an urban town where they are forced to live as street performers in order to survive. This new and unusual, yet decent life which Miyoko has never experienced before, strangely attracts her. Before hitting bottom, Shaolin Grandma dances at the local adult clubs and nearly loses her ancient connection to the Shaolinji temple. Can she get back the temple she once ruled and defeat Ippon-ashi before her fighting spirit is lost? The ultimate final battle will test Shaolin Grandma like never before.

This movie is so odd that I cannot figure anyway to communicate what type of person might like it. Perhaps if you liked "Shaun of the Dead" BUT wanted to see what is would be like if the production budget was about $100, this might be for you. I can't figure if the acting was deliberately terrible or just totally amateurish. It almost looks like all shots are first take and let the manure fall where it may. That being said we loved it!!!! The plot is laid out in other reviews so I'll skip that.

If you admire cheese in all it's forms, if you think movies like "Dolomite" have artistic value in spite of themselves, if you are unlikely to shut down a DVD once it's been popped in because you think it's below your intellect level,....well this one's for you Bud! I hope this character is part of a series. I enjoy "Downton Abbey", thought "In Brugges" was great. I NEVER turn off "Jaws" when it's on if there's a chance to see Robert Shaw do his speech about the Indianapolis sinking. I love Shakespeare and Bel Canto Opera, the Three Stooges, past & present incarnations of "Cosmos". Not bragging, just saying my tastes are wide ranging. If you are an alien life form like me,...give Grannie a try, she might get to you.

This is probably one of the lamest movies I have ever seen. It's just stupid. Yet, oddly, I liked it. The one thing you need to understand is that this is a one-joke movie. If you like the joke and think it can sustain an entire movie, then you'll like the film. If you don't, then 5-10 minutes viewing is all you'll need.

The film begins with a mailman coming to an old lady's house and finding her dead on the floor. While waiting for the authorities to arrive, the nosy mailman finds the first volume of her life story and begins reading it. It seems that this lady was head of a Shaolin martial arts dojo and she was brilliantly talented. However, as you watch, it's painfully obvious this 70-something year-old lady has no skills whatsoever--not just in regards to martial arts but in acting as well. While folks around her act and react, she shows no emotion and says nothing through the entire film. And, when she fights it looks exactly like old people slow-motion fighting--and BAD old people fighting. It's terrible and your own granny could have done no worse (seriously).

Eventually, a skilled martial artist arrives and beats up Granny and takes her dojo. All she has left are two VERY lame students--and she soon looses them. Without a home and with no prospects, she first becomes an exotic dancer (thank God she kept her clothes on) and then a homeless croquet player. Can she somehow summon the skills and courage to regain her dojo and self-esteem? The film works, at least for me, because it's terrible and because it has a few funny parts here and there that made me laugh. The scene of the mailman reading about Granny's sex life was priceless as was seeing her doing the least erotic dance in human history and watching all the male patrons hooting getting excited like it was Sally Rand doing her fan dance!

In many ways, it is like old Larry 'Bud' Melman from "The David Letterman Show" or Edith Massey (from the John Waters films) starring in a martial arts film. Bizarre and dumb--but enjoyable nonetheless.