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Cyclone (1987) Online

Cyclone (1987) Online
Original Title :
Cyclone
Genre :
Movie / Action / Sci-Fi / Drama
Year :
1987
Directror :
Fred Olen Ray
Cast :
Heather Thomas,Jeffrey Combs,Ashley Ferrare
Writer :
Paul Garson,T.L. Lankford
Type :
Movie
Time :
1h 29min
Rating :
4.4/10

Rick has developed the ultimate motorcycle, the Cyclone. It is a $5 million bike equipped with rocket launchers and laser guns. Rick meets his fate and it is up to his girlfriend Teri to ... See full summary

Cyclone (1987) Online

Rick has developed the ultimate motorcycle, the Cyclone. It is a $5 million bike equipped with rocket launchers and laser guns. Rick meets his fate and it is up to his girlfriend Teri to keep the Cyclone from falling into the wrong hands. Teri can trust no one but herself.
Cast overview, first billed only:
Heather Thomas Heather Thomas - Teri Marshall
Jeffrey Combs Jeffrey Combs - Rick Davenport
Ashley Ferrare Ashley Ferrare - Carla Hastings
Dar Robinson Dar Robinson - Rolf
Martine Beswick Martine Beswick - Waters (as Martine Beswicke)
Robert Quarry Robert Quarry - Knowles
Martin Landau Martin Landau - Bosarian
Huntz Hall Huntz Hall - Long John
Troy Donahue Troy Donahue - Bob Jenkins
Michael Reagan Michael Reagan - McCordy
Tim Conway Jr. Tim Conway Jr. - Barrell
Dawn Wildsmith Dawn Wildsmith - Hanna
Bruce Fairbairn Bruce Fairbairn - Lt. Cutter
Sam Hiona Sam Hiona - Buyer
John Stewart John Stewart - Scruffy #1


User reviews

Jaiarton

Jaiarton

Teri Marshall (Heather Thomas) finds herself in a world of nefarious Government and bad guy types after her inventor boyfriend Rick Davenport (Jeffrey Combs) is murdered. Seems everyone is after his invention Cyclone, a $5 million dollar motorbike with stealth technology. Of course, Rick expected this and delivers a post-death message to Teri to get the motorbike to the only G-man (Troy Donahue) he can trust. The big chase is on with CIA agents Waters (Martine Beswick) and Knowles (Robert Quarry) and baddies Rolf (Dar Robinson) and Hanna (Dawn Wildsmith) in pursuit. And Martin Landau figures in here somewhere as the main bad guy. More Fred Olen Ray madness here and this film is a marked improvement over his earlier stuff. By that I mean it looks like an actual film with decent cinematography. It is still pretty low budget though with cheap sets and a almost-but-not-quite futuristic bike design. The leads are decent and I noticed Combs - like Peter Cushing before him - has an insane talent for making techno-babble sound 100% believable. You also get a gaggle of ex-stars who mostly likely were around for a few days in supporting roles. Donahue has one scene while Landau gets three. All of the big action is saved for the finale and there are two really cool car stunts there. Of course, the film's biggest leap of faith isn't the stealth bike. My friend Marty summed it up best when he said: "As implausible as this thriller is, the biggest stretch is that sexy blonde Thomas, first seen hitting the Nautilus machine in a bust-bursting Spandex outfit, would be dating dorky scientist Combs."
Skiletus

Skiletus

When a movie shows two beautiful, sweaty women working out in a gym (with the camera emphasizing their arms and cleavage) BEFORE the opening credits are even over, it's on the right track. When it shows one of those women (the super-sexy Heather Thomas) kicking a$$ within the first 10 minutes, it deserves applause. Sure, the plot is so thin that it feels stretched-out even at just 82 minutes, and the "comic relief" of two inept cops is not very funny, but on the whole "Cyclone" is an enjoyable B action movie, with some spectacular car and motorcycle stunts (considering the budget). Also notable is the strong female presence, with no fewer than 4 women (2 good and 2 bad) getting into the action, and if you're thinking "there must be a Climactic Catfight"....you are right! Cult actors Jeffrey Combs and Martin Landau have fairly brief roles, Landau does get the last line in the film though (and it's a funny one). (**1/2)
Opimath

Opimath

"Cyclone" is a decent dose of escapism from reliable B movie veteran Fred Olen Ray, ostensibly a vehicle for gorgeous, glamorous TV star Heather Thomas. She plays Teri, a young woman whose boyfriend Rick (Jeffrey Combs) has designed an ultra cool looking motorcycle for the government. Soon, bad guys have murdered Rick and Teri is forced to take it on the lam. Among the rich assortment of villains are Martin Landau as slick, evil businessman Bosarian, legendary stuntman Dar Robinson (to whom the film is dedicated) as an albino thug, and Dawn Wildsmith as his gal pal. You know you're in for a good time when in addition to these people, the others who turn up are Troy Donahue, Martine Beswicke, and Robert Quarry as federal agents, Huntz Hall as bike shop proprietor Long John, Bruce Fairbairn as a police detective, and an uncredited Russ Tamblyn. Overall this is a fairly slight movie - you won't really remember it after it's over - but it's still pretty entertaining while it lasts. The action scenes are competently done, the pacing is efficient, and there are some hilarious moments to let us know that Ray and screenwriter Paul Garson are keeping their tongues in their cheeks and just having fun with the genre. Among these moments are the final scenes for both Quarry and Robinson. The motorcycle itself is pretty damn nifty, and the helmet that goes with it is amusing itself - it shoots lasers! David A. Jackson composes the catchy, appealing electronic music score, and there's one priceless sequence featuring an act named Haunted Garage (fronted by Michael Sonye) performing the song "Devil Metal". The actors are enjoyable to watch, with Thomas making for a tough and feisty heroine, and the equally fetching Ashley Ferrare engaging as her friend. It's a treat to see Combs of "Re-Animator" fame in a romantic role, and Robinson (who died after filming) is the most fun out of the antagonists. The ending is not terribly satisfying (revealing the fate of a specific character in a rather perfunctory manner), but in general this is fine entertainment for schlock fans. Some of them may bemoan the fact that the one gratuitous shower scene is over so soon, though! Seven out of 10.
Mightsinger

Mightsinger

Rarely does one find a movie so bad that it achieves the often-sought paradigm of having so little redeeming value that that alone makes it worth watching. "Cyclone," I am happy to report, is such a film.

I knew I was in for something good as soon as I found the videotape. I am at least its fourth owner: It has a "Used Movie Sale! $9.95" sticker on the front, and a yard-sale sticker for one dollar. I picked it up at a thrift store for fifty cents.

The Used Movie Sale! sticker covers much of the front cover artwork, meaning that what I see is a truly odd blended still of the front of the Cyclone super bike, a car flipping over on fire, and Heather Thomas, wearing Flouncy Eighties Hair with her mouth open in an expression that says, "I 'ave a 'ooth ache." I saw that and thought, "All RIGHT." The case, honestly, was enough ("with nowhere to turn and no one to trust, Teri is plunged headlong into a maze of danger and deceit"), but I surprised myself by actually getting around to watching it. I always make time for the really bad films. That "Fight Club" tape can wait.

Meet Teri. Teri is a stunningly well-crafted character, as we can tell from her introduction, in which she and her friend do exercises that highlight her breasts and, later, her legwarmers. Then Teri goes off to hook up with her boyfriend for the evening that goes horribly wrong. Before she knows it, Teri is driven "straight into a web of deadly double-crosses in CYCLONE." The VHS box tells it like it is.

Left out of the box summary - perhaps out of some faint hope that actual copies of this film would be sold - is how awful the acting is. It might have been just me, but I kept thinking I could read the characters' thoughts through their eyes. "This is dumb," thinks Heather Thomas. "I know," thinks Bad Guy with Too-Wide Mouth.

A driving force (no pun intended) for the second half of this epic picture are the car chases. Those were actually pretty good, although I'm inclined that gasoline doesn't need coaching on how to explode. What really impressed me is that, in all the chases, the streets were pretty much empty. It's like there are only twenty people in this huge city.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Gee Wilikers! I have to see this movie!" The sad thing, though, is that you can't find it. Oh no. "Cyclone" is a film that finds YOU. Just wait. Some day - perhaps during lunch, perhaps late in the evening, perhaps "when military scientist Jeffery Combs ('Re-Animator')is murdered by hired assassins" - you will hear the rustle of legwarmers, and know that it is time.
Unirtay

Unirtay

The best thing about this move was Ms. Thomas's assets. She seemed to have reprised her role fromtheold 'Fall Guys' Tv series, in that her wardrobe consisted of, in order of their appearance, leotards, skin tight jeans and spandex mini skirts. The plot was comical, while the fight scenes were pretty good. I kept getting the impression the other actors wished they were some place else.

One particularly silly scene had Teri (Ms.Thomas) tied to a chair, being tortured by the villians to reveal the location of the Cyclone. The dialog is silly, and villians seem more interested in sneering and threatening than getting the information.

For a laugh it worth seeing, but for serious action fans, skip it.
WinDImmortaL

WinDImmortaL

There are more villains than you can shake a stick at in Fred Olen Ray's fast-moving action flick, CYCLONE about a souped up futuristic motorcycle with extra firepower and uses energy from hydrogen instead of fossil fuels. Everyone from crooked fed Robert Quarry to ruthless businessman Martin Landau want to get their hands on the motorcycle, in possession of murdered scientist Jeffery Combs' girlfriend Heather Thomas. I found it amusing the odd coupling of supermodel Thomas and nerd Combs, how she's more masculine and tough while he's the cerebral, non-violent type..this as normal a character as you are liable to ever see Combs play, and while I enjoy him in strange, irreverent roles, it was, I must admit, nice to see him as the tragic victim instead of the diabolical fiend. Thomas, to be honest, wasn't exactly hired for her acting chops, but boy does she look mighty nice in a tight pair of jeans. The real star is obviously the titular star vehicle everyone covets, with Thomas caught in unfortunate circumstances..I mean she isn't even truly able to grieve for her loss because her life is immediately threatened, not to mention there's no one she can trust(even someone she thought was her friend betrays her). As an arms dealer, Landau has foreign clientèle, and a certain, special transformer, worth a valuable amount, is of top priority to a high-paying buyer with demands to have it at a specific time..the transformer itself is of more value than the motorcycle, although the device was created for the vehicle. Martine Beswicke is a good fed who lends Thomas some much needed support.

Included is something I always enjoy in an action movie from time to time, Thomas kicking the asses of some punk douchebags giving her a hard time. We even get to see Thomas engaged in fisticuffs with Ashley Ferrare, not your typical catfight(not hairpulling and rolling on the ground between these two). Solid car chases/crashes and explosions..some impressive stunt work. Most of the weaponry on the motorcycle is animated: visible electric bolts which destroy whatever is targeted. The helmet is even rigged with bolts that blast targets selected(a phone book is pulverized and a victim is set on fire)! Combs' part may be too minor for his fans..this is a star vehicle designed for Thomas. Landau has pretty much a glorified supporting role(probably ten minutes, but he makes the most of his time on screen as does the always reliable Quarry). Dar Robinson and Dawn Highsmith have colorful heavy roles as Landau's hired assassins; they really enjoy their work. I must admit that there's a nostalgic value attached to this movie as I used to watch it on HBO as a kid so maybe CYCLONE works for me in that regard. I don't think it is as bad as many others do, and consider it a rather accomplished Fred Olen Ray vehicle. Maybe the special effects are a bit dated, but it was 1987 after all. Seeing Beswicke firing a machine gun while trying to evade Landau's stooges in a station wagon is worth the price of a rental alone.
Envias

Envias

Wow! Fred Olen Ray outdid himself with the casting of Cyclone.

We get Russ 'Satan's Sadists' Tamblyn, Jeffrey 'Re-Animator' Combs, Martine 'Prehistoric Women' Beswick, Robert 'Count Yorga' Quarry, Huntz 'Sach' Hall, Martin 'Bela Lugosi' Landau, Troy 'I Know What You Did' Donahue, and Heather, er, 'Dukes of Hazzard' Thomas, all in one movie!

The story is ridiculous and the movie is unwatchable, but who cares!
Gigafish

Gigafish

Cyclone is the tale of a radically awesome motorcycle and the people that want to get their hands on its secret energy source. Jeffrey Combs plays Rick Davenport, a nerdy, scientific type who has developed the multi-million dollar "Cyclone", and even its helmet, which shoots lasers. For some reason, this dork's girlfriend is Heather Thomas, who's the hottest thing on two legs. When evildoers kill Rick (not a spoiler because it happens so early on in the film), it's up to Teri Marshall (Thomas) - presumably no relation to Joe "Samurai" Marshall of Samurai Cop infamy - to protect the "clean energy" source. Everyone wants this thing, and there's a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top - the big boss causing all the conflict is one Bosarian (Landau), the man sending out all the goons. Will Teri ride off into the sunset on the Cyclone? Director Fred Olen Ray assembled a major cast for this one - besides the aforementioned Thomas, Combs and Landau, we also have Martine Beswicke as a police chief, Troy Donahue as Rick's old contact, and they even dug up the legendary Huntz Hall, whose extensive career goes back to the thirties. Tim Conway, Jr. and Michael Reagan are teamed up as two of the dumbest cops in movie history. I wonder what their fathers would have thought. Bruce Fairbairn is on hand as Lt. Cutter, while Dawn Wildsmith plays one of the female baddies.

A standout scene occurs when Rick and Teri pay a visit to the Lava Club to see a band called Haunted Garage. A lot of funny dancing is seen, as well as Teri's memorable outfit. The band doesn't seem that talented musically, but they are able to crank out their signature tune, "Devil Metal" with aplomb and it will be stuck in your head for days. Speaking of the music, Joe Pizzolo provides the moody anthem "Are You Too Tough" as well as the memorable "Riding on the Edge of Night", which provides the soundtrack for Teri riding the Cyclone down the streets of L.A. This guy could easily be the next Robert Tepper.

Because some of the themes in the movie revolve around clean energy and leaked information, Cyclone seems pretty ahead of its time. But really, it's just comic-booky good fun and not meant to be taken all that seriously. It appears fairly tongue-in-cheek in the classic Fred Olen Ray way. Thomas carries the movie on her looks alone, but she is amply supported by an army of B-movie names in this somewhat fluffy outing.

It ends with some impressive stunts and explosions, after the prerequisite chase scenes. I think there's even a "NOoooooo!" somewhere in the mix, but the beeps and lasers coming from the soundtrack/Cyclone are pretty distracting.

Lastly, the film is dedicated to Dar Robinson, the legendary stuntman and actor. His final acting role was as Rolf in this film.

For the cast and to see Heather Thomas, Cyclone is worth it. Also helmet lasers.

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com
Lost Python

Lost Python

Although I am a fan of Heather Thomas and I have a few of her old bikini posters around here somewhere, I can honestly say that if the only movie I had ever seen her in was "Cyclone", I would never be able to guess why she had made it as far as she had in show business.

Directed by Fred Olen Ray (about as good an omen as seeing buzzards circle over head in the desert), this tale of a woman (Thomas) who must protect a high-tech motorcycle from unscrupulous types is about as "B" movie as it gets (or in Fred Olen's case, "B minus").

The cast itself should tell you something. It's not every movie that combines Thomas with actors the calibre of Beswick, Hall, Combs, Donahue, Tamblyn and Landau (!!). If you're lucky, very few movies do. And even though they seem to be having fun, shouldn't some of that fun be passed on to the audience? I vote yes, seems they voted no.

Of course, if you ever wanted to see Heather deliver an uppercut to another woman, use the "F" word and get hooked up to battery cables, you've probably been looking for this one. Myself, I'll be content with old "Fall Guy" reruns.

One star, given in hopes that when another "Cyclone" hits town, Heather runs for shelter. I know I will.
Anarius

Anarius

I'm a huge fan of Dawn Wildsmith and Jeffrey Combs, although I originally rented this movie because Michelle Bauer suppossedly appears here but I didn't see her...Some of the action sequences were good, there's lots of action, three sexy and tough chicks (Ashley Ferrare, Heather Thomas, Danw Wildsmith)... Fred had done it again, I give it three stars out of four.
Tane

Tane

(57%) A very 1980's mid-budget sci-fi actioner featuring the very lovely Heather Thomas in a role that sees her take on criminal Martin Landau using her boyfriend's (Jeffrey Combs) super high-tec motorbike equipped with a laser-beam armed helmet and some rockets. And that's it for story. But this is still an enjoyable watch as the pacing is brisk and there aren't many fun action movies like this with a female lead. There are some quite cool and well handled moments, and the action is never below normal decent standards. Anyone in the mood for some long forgotten, yet still very watchable entertainment from the 1980's should give this a go.
Onoxyleili

Onoxyleili

What a great cast (Jeffrey Combs! Dar Robinson! Martine Beswick! Martin Landau even!) and what an uninteresting film they appear in. In fact there seems to be too many cast members. In one scene the tied- down heroine has two villains in the room, then another, then another, then the chief villain makes an appearance. You can tell that the script writer has no idea on what to do with them. It's a disorganised soup of a film. The plot involves a super motor bike (gosh, that's original!)and the machinations surrounding it. The super bike itself looks like what it probably was, a real bike with painted cardboard surrounds. It does shoot missiles and laser beams but like the story it is totally unconvincing.

Though I must give a good word for Heather Thomas, and not because she looks sensational in tight jeans. (Though she does.)She gives an energetic performance with moments of charm and moments of grit. Shame really, she deserved a better vehicle. (Ho,ho!)
Nejind

Nejind

Cyclone is a piece of dreck with little redeeming value, even on the so bad its entertaining front. A friend of mine took the tape from an overflowing St. Vincent DePaul clothes bin. Okay, that may be a little bit dodgy but it was meant to be a clothes bin, not a crappy old VHS bin, something the less fortunate members of our society don't really need to make their lives better. It could be considered a mercy. Watching a movie like Cyclone would really only add to their problems. Anyway the basic premise of a woman with a super-powerful motorcycle that it armed to the teeth with rockets and lasers isn't even properly exploited. The two 'high speed' chase sequences involve vehicles travelling at less than hair raising speeds of around 40 KMPH and a super-fast motorcycle that is in danger of being overtaken by a crappy old station wagon is not that awe inspiring when you get down to it. There is only one scene where the bikes goofy weaponry is used, at the film's climax, and it is laughably ineffectual, or just laughable, when it is. This includes laser beams that look like they should be coming out of the hands of an evil wizard in a cheesy eighties sword and sorcery that produced large bursts of flame which seem to have no noticeable effect on their targets even when they hit directly. The rest of the movie is just tedious hard to watch filler. Lots of bad actors, yes even Combs and Landau suck in this, most of whom seem like they have been lifted from the set of a porno movie stand around exchanging really bad dialogue in a desperate attempt to pus forward the barely coherent plot. There are a few badly staged fight sequences and some excruciatingly unfunny comic relief scenes with some cops and the owner of the motor cycle repair shop. Comedy of the sub Benny Hill horny old man can't stop staring at the female leads chest variety. Basically the 'money' scenes involving the bike actually doing stuff are few and lame and the rest is clunky filler material. Skip it.
Mavivasa

Mavivasa

I was expecting to view a more exploitation style of film but unfortunately this turned out to be just a badly made low budget action flick that just doesn't have the talent for that. Story is about a very beautiful woman named Teri Marshall (Heather Thomas) who's boyfriend Rick (Jeffrey Combs) works for a secret agency and he has invented a motorcycle that is bullet proof and can shoot lasers and rockets and has a helmet that can shoot lasers as well. The head of the agency Bosarian (Martin Landau) has made a 5 million dollar deal to sell it and sends two hired thugs to kill Rick and Teri and collect the bike. A tall blond thug named Rolf (Dar Robinson) and his partner Hanna (Dawn Wildsmith) manage to kill Rick but Teri survives. While at home she discovers a video tape that Rick left describing his invention that helps Teri on what to do next.

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

Teri is being chased by several agents and she gets caught and tortured but doesn't talk about where a piece of the motorcycle that is needed but she gets help from a federal agent named Waters (Martine Beswick) where they end up using the motorcycle for a bloody shoot-out.

This film is directed by Fred Olen Ray who has made his career out of making ultra-low budget exploitation films but he made a dire mistake here by leaving out the exploitation aspect and trying to make an action film. Aside from a quick shower scene at the beginning there is no nudity and the usual titillation that viewers are accustomed to seeing in a Ray film is no where to be found. I don't think anyone was expecting Thomas to get naked but she doesn't wear one sexy outfit. Not that it stopped me from ogling her in those tight jeans and admiring her near perfect form but Ray really blew it in this case. Like all of his films the cast is fun to watch and many familiar faces have roles like Robert Quarry, Huntz Hall, Troy Donahue, Tim Conway Jr., Michael Reagan, and Russ Tamblyn. Stuntman Dar Robinson died shortly after this was made and it's his last acting effort and the film is dedicated to him. You have to wonder why Landau would waste him time with such junk like this but I was interested in the casting of Combs in a very rare romantic role. Is Thomas any good in this film? Who cares! I think she showed that she could have become a popular "B" movie starlet if she wanted but it never did happen. Ray wastes everyone's time with this effort although the cast is fun to watch but he left out the elements that make him an enjoyable filmmaker.
Bulace

Bulace

Not too long ago, I saw a movie and in seeing it I thought I had witnessed the worst movie in history, but I couldnt be more wrong. This is in fact, the worst movie every. Let me tell you right off if you like guys wearing mullets, women with overteased hair, and terrible acting thrown on top like some type of sadistic cherry this is your movie! I struggled through the movie saying to myself over and over; "I am not a quiter!" I found the plot, worthless, the acting even worse, and the whole story line to drag on. I hated the whole movie and with good reason. How are you suppose to take a bad guy seriously when he is wearing lowcut Italian boots? (white haired guy) The one redeeming thing about this movie is the laser helmet. If I had that thing I would walk around baking everyone. So I have begun to construct my own.
WUNDERKIND

WUNDERKIND

After her inventor boyfriend Rick Davenport (a likable turn by Jeffrey Combs of "Re-Animator" fame) gets killed, Rick's feisty and resourceful girlfriend Teri Marshall (a winningly spunky performance by the foxy Heather Thomas) must prevent his high-tech futuristic motorcycle from falling into the wrong hands. Director Fred Olen Ray, working from a compact script by Paul Garson, not only relates the entertaining story at a brisk pace, stages the rousing action set pieces with real flair (a fierce catfight towards the end rates as a definite exciting highlight), and further spices things up with an engaging campy tone, but also tosses in a funky music montage sequence and a smidgen of gratuitous female nudity for good measure. Thomas makes for a sexy and appealing heroine. The excellent cast of familiar B-movie faces helps a whole lot: Martin Landau as evil main villain Bosarian, Dar Robinson as vicious albino Rolf, Robert Quarry as the smooth and urbane Knowles, Dawn Wildsmith as the sarcastic Henna, Martine Beswicke as the hard-nosed Waters, Ashley Ferrare as Teri's deceitful friend Carla Hastings, and Troy Donahue as ill-fated government agent Bob Jenkins. Huntz Hall has a funny bit as lecherous motorcycle shop owner Long John. The punk band Haunted Garage make a neat appearance at a nightclub. Paul Elliott's slick cinematography gives the picture a pleasing polished look. David A. Jackson's spirited rock score hits the stirring spot. A hugely fun flick.
Asyasya

Asyasya

If you think StreetHawk look elsewhere, the Cyclone bike is severally underused, they kind of blew a good opportunity with this one.

Lots of plot holes of why a Government scientist would hide a 5 million dollar bike with a new energy source and no one knows where it is, the other plot is also stupid when some government crooked people try to sell the bike to lucrative buyers.

Heather Thomas was a knockout during those years sad she did not make a lot of movies, but its only eye candy because even with some good supporting cast this movie fails on every level.
Felhann

Felhann

This movie was in a box set with 20 others, with varying quality, & I can safely say that this title was right at the bottom of the heap.

It is pointless to go through the plot, what there was of it, picking out what was wrong, as I haven't got all day & life is to short, which reminds me, I have just lost around 85 minutes of mine watching this tripe.

The acting was diabolically bad in a way that made it funny, though only just, whilst the comedy elements like the two idiotic cops must have made any Laurel & Hardy fans groan. One of the only barely funny moments was when the leading lady made a joke about her former friends plastic T*ts, which would have been okay if I hadn't had to watch them bob around whenever she waddled on the screen.

The lowest I can give is one, & it probably deserves that for having Heather Thomas in it, as she was certainly sexy & shapely, though her acting was as bad as everyone else.
Perongafa

Perongafa

The only thing I expected that this film didn't have was an intelligent, talking motorcycle.

This film is just plain awful. I gave it 1 star, which of course, means I enjoyed it tremendously. Bad acting, bad writing, bad directing, bad fight choreography. The only real actor in this movie is Martin Landau, who of course does a good job playing the villain, although the character is your standard cardboard cutout evil CEO/Villain. Even the so-called "plot twist" at the end was no shock.

There was so much to make fun of in this movie, I enjoyed it a lot. And it did have a few impressive car wreck stunts.

Like bad movies? Check this one out, ouch. Want a good movie? Not here.
Antuiserum

Antuiserum

Cyclone is full of laughs and enjoyment. Bare in mind that none of this is intentional on the filmmaker's part. Because that filmmaker is Fred Olen Ray. Fred's name in the credits is nature's way of warning you that there is some plentiful bad movie coming and that you should take proper precautions. Get a lot of friends that appreciate bad movies together, and probably some alcohol too. Otherwise, you might suffer irreparable mental trauma from viewing the film sober and alone.

Cyclone stars Heather Thomas,(most famous to me for her role in the Fall Guy series), as Teri Marshall action bimbo. She lives with the Re-Animator (Jeffrey Combs) who tinkers on motorcycles for some undisclosed government agency. OR maybe it's the private sector, this point is never really made clear, and the script writer probably didn't think that much about it himself. After we see Teri pumping iron with her blonde PT and beating on some yokels we quickly realize that she is the masculine partner in the relationship. She wants to take her egghead boyfriend out dancing at a club that we quickly realize is his laboratory with some slightly different set dressing. We will see this scenery again.

However while the horrible horrible band Haunted Garage plays (I thought the song was Double Meadow, but the credits reveal it was actually Devil Metal, my bad) her boyfriend gets an icepick to the back of the head, and she'd be dead too if it weren't for some extra who gets his face slashed by the hit-man's incompetent girlfriend. Gasp! Could this be related to the top secret project he was working on in his lab? Of course. Teri goes home and via a prerecorded message, the Re-Animator tells her about his armor plated, laser flinging, perpetual clean energy super scooter. Now, why armor plating a motorcycle would be a big deal doesn't make much sense to me, sure the bike is fine but the driver is swiss cheese. Also, the energy source is a MUCH MUCH better invention than the title bike. PERPETUAL CLEAN ENERGY. To hell with the bike! Sigh! With such valuable technology on the line, you'd think the bad guys would have their best men on the job. But it's just the bozo from the nightclub and his girlfriend, a more low rent pair you couldn't find. Their vehicle of choice, a faux wood paneled station wagon. They work for Martin Landau, who will appear in ANYTHING apparently. He has promised the Cyclone to shady Asian businessmen, though it does seem that they are more interested in the power source. Teri gets visited by some government types who apparently work for the same agency as her ex-living boyfriend. They want the bike, but Re-Animator has already told her the only person she can deliver it too is the aptly named Bob Jenkins. After a crash course in super motorcycle safety, she proceeds to do so, to the tune of a song called "Edge of the Night" which I only mention because if Phil Collins wanted to, he would have a pretty good lawsuit against whoever wrote it. It sounds a LOT like In the Air Tonight. However, before Bob Jenkins can get it to safety, he gets shot by Inept Hit-man #1 and crossbow-ed by Inept Hit-man #2. Neither deciding that Teri is important enough to kill I guess. Instead of blasting them with the supercycle, we have a brief station wagon chase-Cyclone chase which ends with Teri escaping.

She hides out with her PT but...SPOILERS...she works for the bad guys! And so does...SPOILERS...one of the feds that spoke to Teri earlier! And they all know the inept Hit men! They take Teri to their secret arms dealer HQ which is...her boyfriend's lab/dance club with some boxes piled up in it, and in a vain excuse to show Heather arch her back and scream, they give her the old car battery electric torture. I was kind of surprised at this, until I remember that Teri is just a masculine character played by an actress. She's tough enough to take it until she is saved by the other female agent who shoots the bad agent as they make their getaway. (THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER) Finally after what seems like several hours of movie, we see Cyclone zap something with cartoon lightning bolts. Then there's a really big asplosion and some decent car stuntwork. Teri wins, yay. The agent makes a call to her boss that they have the superbike. Her boss is...SPOILERS...Martin Landau? The hell? If he'd just waited he would have gotten the bike anyway. The "twist" makes absolutely no sense. Hell, if Bob Jenkins worked for the agency, he would have just taken the bike to Landau anyway. Maybe they needed to downsize. I dunno.

So, Cyclone. Bad movie. Good to watch with people who like bad movies.