Private Lies (2000) Online

I've seen "Private Lies" five or six times, and it ceases to amaze me just how average of a softcore movie this is. Yes, it had a decent story with a couple of plot twists (and one that actually surprised me at the end) but the other stuff was just barely average.

Cynthia James (Elizabeth Pires) has been sleeping with Gary Orland (Michael Taylor), a friend and business partner of her husband Thomas (Koury Allen). Cynthia desperately wants to leave Thomas and be with Gary, but there's a problem--Gary's married too, albeit separated from his wife Donna (Brandy Davis, one of my favorites). "If I leave him, he'll kill us both," Cynthia says to Gary, with a loving look in her eyes. Yes, there's a sex scene soon after she says that.

The movie begins with Cynthia holding a smoking gun in her hand; obviously she just killed someone, but who? I like these kinds of movies--the ones that begin at the end and work their way back to the opening scene.

After numerous sex scenes featuring Gary and Cynthia, Thomas ends up dead. There's plenty of money at stake, seeing as Cynthia took out a huge insurance policy on her husband. The ink on the contract isn't even dry yet, and her hubby's dead. The cops suspect foul play; they stake out her house and Gary's.

Gary and Cynthia start being harassed by a man hired by Gary to kill Thomas. He wants $100,000 or he'll go to the cops and tell them Cynthia killed her husband, since her fingerprints are all over the gun. Gary's soon-to-be ex-wife, Donna, stops by to give Gary an alibi. "I know you didn't kill him...." Donna says, prancing about, seemingly looking for sex. The cops are right outside, so Donna has sex with Gary so he'll be "otherwise occupied" for a little bit. From here on out, there's spoilers abound, so be prepared.

Eventually, we find out that the hired gun and Donna are quite acquainted. Gary comes home to make a phone call and narrowly misses seeing the two having sex on his bed. When the night comes to make the drop of 100 grand, a gunfight ensues at Cynthia's house. The hired gun and Gary fight for control.....Gary is dead, shot in the abdomen. The guy then runs after Cynthia, slapping her around and shoving her head into the water. Cynthia wrestles the gun away and shoots the guy. He falls into the water while she stands there, gun still smoking. We're now back at the beginning.

After a quick interrogation by the cops, it's uncovered that Cynthia is truly innocent, since she shot the killer of her husband in self-defense. Cynthia's husband, his killer, and Gary are now dead....who's left? Cynthia and Donna. I'm sure the folks who have made it this far can put 2 and 2 together and realize these two had this planned all along. In the final scene, Cynthia hands Donna a huge wad of cash, then they hop into a car and drive away. Those are some evil women, folks.

"Private Lies" is a borderline tapeworthy film. The sex wasn't all that great, but the storyline was actually good. Plenty of twists and turns save an otherwise average (and in some cases below average) movie.

Women: B (I'm sure I've seen Elizabeth Pires in other films, even though on IMDB she's listed as being in only this movie. Brandy Davis is inching even closer to the Top 10 with her performance.)

Sex: C- (Very average stuff here, folks. Plenty of sex scenes, many with Cynthia and Gary, but it's the normal cookie-cutter softcore sex scenes I'm used to. Not much to write home about.)

Story: A- (It's not the usual erotic thriller. The dialogue wasn't the best in the world, but the storyline was pretty good. I liked the ending; it had me smiling during the credits.)

Overall: C (An average grade for an average film. In this case, the story grade helped out the other two. "Private Lies" isn't bad, but it isn't good either. It has decent looking women and below-average sex, but the storyline wasn't bad by softcore standards.)

A low budget, badly performed version of "The Rich Man's Wife". Even for a nudie it's just plain bad. The formula: one minute of dialog followed by a sex scene; repeat for 90 minutes. This was painful to sit through. But I had to see if it ended like the Halle Berry movie.

Thrillers with a bit of sex and nudity are quite my thing but this one is one big disappointment. It is difficult to convey how boring the sex scenes are and there are more than enough. The film starts off on an interesting scene in which the police arrive just as a woman shoots a man dead. The rest of the film shows how we got here. It seems that the wife wants to get off with another man and the husband wants to get off with another woman. Unfortunately, the other people are also married. The answer, off course is murder, but as with this sort of film, nothing is quite what it seems and there is a neat twist at the end.

The film goes something like this. After the opening scene, the wife is having sex with her lover, then she phones her husband who is having sex with his lover and then there is some dialogue and then the wife has sex with another man and then some dialogue and then she has sex with her lover and so it goes on. At some point during the proceedings there is a murder then some more sex until the end - yawn. The sex scenes were the usual soft-core bobbing up and down in different positions with sleazy music for accompaniment. Give this one a miss.