Forked (2017) Online

I greatly admired Kay Brandt's latest edition of her "Baumgartners" series for Adam & Eve, but her release right before that one is pretty dreadful. A two-day wonder clocking in at 4-1/2 hours long (whew!) represents a tough slog for the porn completist (like myself).

Kay has entered one of Adult Cinema's least traveled genres -mixing XXX content with the popular TV cooking show. Previous attempts have likewise failed, notably the Bluebird Films in England stinker titled "Fuck the Cook" (devoted to group sex and mercilessly wasting top talent including Sensual Jane, Lou Lou, Emily B and Jasmine Webb) and Nicholas Steele's underwhelming "Delicious", starring Evan Stone as a hammy cooking show co-host.

Brandt's gimmick here is structurally interesting, but very, very boring in execution. Like other top femme pornographers (see the work of Nica Noelle, Dana Vespoli, Anna Span, Anjali Kara and Stormy Daniels), she sets out to humanize these sex workers who used to be called actors and actresses back in the day when Story Porn ruled (and XXX content was shown in movie theaters). So her cast is paraded as themselves, taking time out from having explicit sex for the camera to instead participate in a cooking show. But as usual, even if taking their stage names as their character names and talking as if they are the REAL people, each one is role playing, evidenced by the typical b.s. spouted as improvised dialog, especially in interview moments.

Mercedes Carrera serves as the show's host, while Brandt herself pops up uncredited as the show runner, and also is cropped out of the frame as her hand presents each lucky participant with their invitation in a letter sitting on a red cushion. I'm not sure if the lengthy pair of DVDs was supposed to be funny, but it isn't, even if Kay's tongue was placed firmly in her cheek (no puns, please) throughout.

The project lost my interest when Brandt rather insanely decided to segue from an approximately 20-minute sex scene opener starring off-beat but highly arousing Jenevieve Hexxx and Cristi Ann in a lesbian tryst to a full hour of boring banter depicting the cooking show named "Forked".

Eventually five sex vignettes of slightly more than 20 minutes duration each occur while the loyal & patient viewer must also sit through three hours of improvised chatter, all the while watching folks whose main talent is not best exposed in a kitchen go through the motions of preparing various mundane looking dishes. Recipes for same are provided on the DVD as if anybody cared. Apparently the cast had fun doing this, not limiting themselves to mere gonzo, all-sex action or the tiring process of learning and spitting out scripted dialog, but such a combination of sex and improv can hardly be considered a step forward in Adult Cinema's tortured history.

Hexxx is a wonderful discovery, covered in tattoos, sporting huge breasts, developing a sort of Goth/Wiccan personality and even adequately performing a belly dance as the evening's entertainment when the cast sits down to dinner. Other femmes baring all include up and coming Leya Falcon and some lesser-known talent like Mia Lin and the only flattish- chester in the bunch, Alison Rey. The guys led by Dick Chibbles and the Brit Porn team long-since relocated in Chatsworth of Marcus London and Tony DeSergio are embarrassing trying to speak on the subject of food. All of them were hired to hump, and all the filigree Kay has erected to cover up that fact proves to be irrelevant.