Все малышки хотят меня убить (2005) Online

This movie is by far the worst one I have ever seen.

I don't know why i didn't just give up but I wanted to go through with it for some reason. I think that maybe it was to bear witness about its awfulness. It was stupid, ugly and full of race-based prejudice, homophobia and degrading against women. Maybe this would have been more acceptable if it was funny at least in a cult way but not. It didn't make me laugh even one time. Not once! Not even a smile. After quite a while of trying it was to painful to watch so we started fast forward the movie. Still not worth itö. The only reason i can see to watch it is to be able to rate it on this site. Avoid!

Oh my God, who makes this crap? And who writes positive reviews about it? (apart from those who worked on it or their friends, of course). Clearly one of IMDb's biggest failures in attempting to stop vote rigging and fake reviews (most of the positive comments were written YEARS before it was even released!), "All Babes Want To Kill Me" actually has a grabber of a concept that sadly fell into the hand of amateurs. Right from the start, with the GROSSLY UNFUNNY caricature of the blind Asian martial arts master, you know what to expect; and surely enough, the gay caricature, the multiple hits to the groin and the vomiting gags follow. But the most REVOLTING aspect of the movie is how it makes up two beautiful female cast members to look bruised and bleeding for nearly all their screen time, making the film unpleasant to even LOOK AT, in addition to its being dismally unfunny. There is one almost-good scene of the hero getting his butt kicked all over the place by a pool lady in a bikini. For that scene alone I give the film a 2 out of 10. If the people who made it had invested as much time in doing a good job as they did in building up a totally fake and undeserved reputation for it on IMDb, it might have turned out better.

It is rare that you can watch a comedy and find an original plot with a relatively unknown cast, who perform brilliantly, and that's what makes this karate comedy work so well. The film opens with wonderful cinematography, combined with innocent music to set a fairytale atmosphere, which plays against the sad story of a young karate boy who contracts an illness which makes beautiful women want to kill him, and he is consequently banished from his family. Colin Miller, who plays the main character of Vatchel Cho, is excellent in his roll of an adult who has never really lost his 'childhood innocence' and consequently his interraction with all the Babes (and they're good-looking babes too) becomes funnier the more he encounters these pretty women. The whole cast play their rolls brilliantly and the end product is a movie that will make you laugh even for days afterwards, as you think back on it. The fight scenes are also well done with a magnificent music score throughout. There are a lot of funny lines and scenes particularly coming from the blind, mean, old father who makes me laugh every time I think of him. I'm looking forward to seeing this movie again, and also seeing more from the cast and director in the future.

The only reason that this movie is not yet on the IMDb Bottom 100 is because of electoral fraud from the producers. A fact even more obvious when you check the dates of the positive reviews. The movie was released 2005 and almost all of the the positive reviews are from 2002-2004.

Someone wrote that you can only like this movie if you are an investor or younger than 8 years old. I'd say that if you remove the children younger than 8 that might be true.

The movies does not contain one single laugh and it is prejudicial about race, gender, ethnicity, disability and so forth.

It is truly as bad as it gets.

A kung fu master afflicted with a disease that makes beautiful women want to kill him goes on a suicide mission to find true love. Little Vatchel Cho is under a lot of stress. He is the youngest of three bastard sons of a once proud martial arts dynasty that has seen far better days; his kind yet philandering white mother has died and he has been left under the cruel tutelage of his blind kung fu master father (Michael Yama). Mr. Cho, possibly the down right meanest parent ever, grows suspicious of his sons and uses malevolent sarcasm and humiliating tricks to try to get them to cough up what his eyes cannot divine. I suppose... he could have asked someone. Anyway, so as he turns up the pressure, Vatchel relents, fesses up and takes all the blame for being a bastard while his two brothers remain as quiet as mice.

This results in some extra harsh training for Vatchel. So, Vatchel starts dealing with it by compulsively eating paint chips off of the shed he had been dutifully scraping when he first realized his mother wasn't going to make it and the worse it gets in his training the more paint chips he eats. Suddenly, from the paint, he is stricken with a rare disease that makes all beautiful women in his presence instantly go hog wild mad and try to kill him.

Wishing to rid the family compound of the shame of a bastard child, Mr. Cho banishes his little embarrassment to a life of solitude in the desert. Twenty years or so later Vatchel (Colin Miller) is called back from the badlands by his older brother Shang (Gianni Lazuli), who has become just at mean-spirited as the old man. Mr. Cho is feeble, on his deathbed, and Shang has spotted an opportunity to get Vatchel knocked off quick before the family fortune is divvied up in inheritance.

Using Vatchel's affliction and his code never to hit a girl against him, Shang tricks him into following his heart and overcoming his loneliness. What follows is an odyssey of a lamb's journey to slaughter with Shang bringing naive, sweet, if not mildly retarded Vatchel to the doorsteps of beautiful women who, as you might expect, gravely mistreat him. Along the way an oddly familiar family portrait is drawn within the framework of this fantasy, a basic struggle to fit in, to go home, to follow a code or even belong. Some of the funniest lines belong to the middle brother Ling (John F. Schaffer) who seems as ruined by life as any character I have ever seen. A midnight movie, a cult comedy hit if there ever was one with a beautiful earnestness flowing throughout. At the picture's debut at the San Diego Comic-Con there were moments that made the theater shake with laughter as the greedy Cho family dynasty slipped into ruin, knives in backs, and then ultimately took a shot at rising to a vision of former glory. Highly recommended for pervasive sense of silly fun, it cracked my top ten cult list and for that alone I give it a 10.

Yes, I know this movie is stupid, REALLY stupid, but I find it really funny.

I saw the trailer, avoided it and then I was convinced into watching it at my friends house after she bought the DVD. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I mean laughing so hard I couldn't breathe laughing I think what makes the film so great is that it is so aware of how stupid it is, unlike most modern comedies which thinks we laugh at any old thing. I quote this film, "she sleep with all manner of salesmen!" There is not much to say about this film either you'll like it and laugh your butt off or hate it and think it is the death of cinema.

I saw this movie at a test screening last night and I'm still laughing. I love this movie! It's not what you might expect from the title (except for the Babes - Wow!) Actually it is a quest movie in the great Japanese style but with a truly Western spin. It's got a heart, strong funny characters, excellent relationships and most of all truly funny original comedy and great action.

The karate is top notch and really fun to watch, in fact everyone in this movie looks like they are having the time of their lives. Everything you are hoping for is delivered - beautiful women, truly funny original comedy and that final rooftop karate battle.maybe the best ever. This is just the kind of movie I go to the movies for. Pass the big bucket o' popcorn - I'm lovin' this.

Surprisingly it turned out to be not half bad.

Perhaps it caught me in a particularly good mood, because this story of a kung fu loser searching for the girl who kicked his ass when he was 10 was relatively enjoyable entertainment.

The main character basically gets picked on his whole life, but doesn't end up bitter which I liked a;lot.

This movie is genuinely funny at a lot of parts like when the lady gives him a royal beat down in her backyard, when the dentist goes off on him and when he and his brothers get in a fist fight with attorneys.

Made me laugh - 7/10.

The Cho family, Ling and Shang, Vatchel and Mr. Cho. Ensemble work is intensely good, the women are all great and funny, fighting is solid, script rocks and the music is excellent. Memorable characters, well developed and fun. Good story about longing for people who never loved you and knowing the difference.

this movie is sick awful stupid movie. the worst movie i had ever seen and will see in my life. Zero. Zero. Zero. its a 1000$. production budget movie. i broke the DVD. i lost my time. i lost my money. beware of this movie. this movie is sick awful stupid movie. the worst movie i had ever seen and will see in my life. Zero. Zero. Zero. its a 1000$. production budget movie. i broke the DVD. i lost my time. i lost my money. beware of this movie. this movie is sick awful stupid movie. the worst movie i had ever seen and will see in my life. Zero. Zero. Zero. its a 1000$. production budget movie. i broke the DVD. i lost my time. i lost my money. beware of this movie. this movie is sick awful stupid movie. the worst movie i had ever seen and will see in my life. Zero. Zero. Zero. its a 1000$. production budget movie. i broke the DVD. i lost my time. i lost my money. beware of this movie.

An energized cast in top comedic form drive a very funny and poignant story about trying to `go home.' Colin Miller's film moves effortlessly through the world of the Cho Family dynasty, a two thousand year old martial arts dynasty that had immigrated to America only to go soft and corrupt. I agree that Mr. Cho is the most horrible person I've ever seen in a movie and it's hard not to watch him without screaming with laughter. He plays the cuckolded blind master who torments and berates his children into screwed up grown ups. Shang, played by Gianni Lazuli, is one of the most selfish characters I've ever seen and one of the funniest. Ling gets big points for being lovable. A charming cast in a well told story. Even the most minor characters glow with humor. Watch for Sara Litz in a hilarious turn as Shang's reprehensible `model' girlfriend. There are more laughs in some scenes than in many full movies. My face hurt from smiling all the way through it.

Some of the most memorable characters and lines. There is an addictive spirit in this that makes it big, sweeping and fun. Brilliant casting, great script, very funny, big laughs in the theater. This is a great film. The story flows beautifully carrying the theme that it's better to lose with all your might than to never play at all. The women are pretty and funny, the fighting is dynamic. Vatchel, played by Colin Miller, is Labrador sympathetic and rugged. His evil brother Shang is played by Gianni Lazuli. This guy is real funny and has a great look.

***THIS CONTAINS NO SPOILERS***

• clearly someone is abusing IMDb... I guess someone really wants to cover up how bad this movie is. Just look at the ratings and judge for your self. Original post follows:

So sad it's not even amusing.

If only this movie had the qualities of the typical low budget b-movie, one could have had some enjoyment from the poor effects, bad acting or other such mainstays of cult b-movies.

This movie left me entirely indifferent the whole way through. Nothing is genuinely funny or bad enough to be mildly amusing. I've watched some really horrid movies - including Uwe Boll productions - but I've never felt as entirely indifferent to all parts of a movie as this.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a masterpiece next to this atrocity.

First 1/10 I've ever given and a truly well deserved one at that. Horrid acting, story, concept and directing, this movie has nothing good going for it. I suffered through all the 82 minutes, and when the credits finally rolled I felt relieved that the whole thing was over, yet wished I hadn't spent so much time on such drivel. I was hoping to find some redeeming qualities but there was none. Then again, if you like humor that went extinct with the Neanderthals then this might just be the movie for you.

So - what's wrong with this film? The crippled dialog? The crappy script? The acting that ranges from extreme overacting to amateur level (and nothing in between)? The complete lack of laughs in a comedy? The complete lack of every other emotion?

Or all of the above? "All Babes Want To Kill Me" is a pain to watch.

Abit confused about the 7.5.

When I saw the IMDb rating me and the wife sat down for a good time. 15 minutes later and we couldn't takes it any more.

I have a serious DVDcollection going and I will keep films that do have some artistic value even if I don't particularly enjoy it. Really disappointed with this one.

I tried to see if the film could be classified in the cult category but again I don't think that it is even worth of such.

Couldn't make into my Cult section so it's going into my wastebasket and not many of my viewings have made it there.

Everyone have a nice day.

it there.

My faith in IMDb's ratings continues to plummet. How did this abortion get a 7.5 rating (as of Jan 29, 2007)? To rate this a 10, you'd have to be either younger than 8 years old or an investor. I only watched the first 15 minutes or so (during which I never cracked a smile), but I'm confident it wasn't going to get any better. I've seen funnier gags on Benny Hill. Here's one: paramedics carrying a corpse on a stretcher stumble (for no reason) and drop it; then they do it again. The grossly stereotypical Asian father is also particularly unfunny -- not because he's stereotypical but just because it's so entirely lacking humor. Also, none of the characters' actions make any sense. For example, the young protagonist eats paint chips for no reason. This movie is one of those low-budget, no-script "comedies" that makes you marvel at the decline of civilization.

Don't bother wasting time with this one - it's really bad. Bad acting - the middle brother (Ling) is really bad, the older brother (Shang) is playing the bad guy, not doing a very fine performance, it's like taking out of an old western, he only need the long black jacket. Bad fights - it's so easy to see that they don't actually hit each other, the fight with the "Indians" are the worst - speaking of the Indians - why are they even in the movie?, bad script - misplaced Indians, stupid characters. And the child to whom the story is told - why was he multihandicapped? - Not very common with healthy parents. Was it to show that everyone can be somebody? Hmm - only positive thing is it's only 80 min.

It isn't Shakespeare, people its hokey comedy about underdog outcasts and rejects. And it is very funny. And if you don't find it funny guess what your humor is defective and you need to take into the shop and fix it..

It seems based on some of the comments on this site that certain folks may be expecting a bit too much from a film called ALL BABES WANT TO KILL ME.

This movie isn't for everybody frankly I think you either love it or hate but if you don't see glimpses of your own family or childhood in these dumb awkward failures of the three brothers, you're in some kind of denial. And if you grew up with a cruel parent you will probably cry with laughter.

Don't go to see this movie for deeper meanings or well-constructed plot--the vague semblance of a plot is as artificial as they come, and seems inserted mostly to give the film structure and to permit the audience a happy ending.

`All Babes Want to Kill Me' is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, a flat out scream. Honestly, the title intimidated me a bit. With sex and violence in the title alone I figured, well, at least it'd be up my boyfriend's alley. And it was. A lot of great jokes and funny lines, and I agree that the ensemble cast is fantastic. The film is epic and sweeping. Large in scope. It covers ground and its own size with ease. It's surprisingly heartwarming. We thought it was great.

Only a few people see bad movies, because one movie is mostly viewed based on recommendations from people who liked it, or because of the trailer. But none of my friends are going to see this movie, 'cuz I've already told'em about it. I watched almost half of it, then I deleted from the hard. I wonder people who played in it, actually loved it? I guess only for the money, if they got any.. Nobody review the script before start to make a movie? Is not a good comedy, is not a black comedy, is more a sort of a 'dry movie' If the man who wrote the script only had put his brain to work, if would figured out a better low cost scenario

For something with an IMDb keyword called "Cult Comedy", I really can't say that I laughed once during the whole movie. But I was smiling through most of it. Basically the whole movie concept was so unbelievable, it was a fairytale. Everything from living in Chinatown on a beautiful estate (laughable, if you've ever been to many Chinatown's in the world), to getting a disease that makes beautiful women want to kill you from eating paintchips, to being from a karate family in Chinatown (hehe), to being banished into the desert when you're a kid and eeking out a living by selling geodes on the road, to being attacked by an Indian tribe everyday while living in the desert, to that Indian tribe being a bunch of white guys in dime-store Indian outfits, to re-finding your true love via a car accident caused by your evil brother, to everything else in the movie... :) The writer even using the concept of eating paintchips when you're a kid and/or having an xray unit aimed at your groin for a long time ultimately causing mental retardation in your child.

All in all, makes for a mediocre comedic fairytale.