| Cast overview, first billed only: |
 | Dave Landau | - | Dean Bromine |
 | Oksana Mirzoyan | - | Cherry |
 | Robert Aird | - | Ben (as Rob Aird) |
| Katie Land | - | Claire |
| Adam Engler | - | The Bear |
 | John Anton | - | Pirate |
| Jason Waugh | - | Pirate |
 | Michael Mili | - | Pirate |
| Joe Davis | - | Lt. Brutality |
| Daniel Land | - | Referee (as Dan Land) |
| Viktoriya Gruzdyn | - | Underage Girlfriend |
| Sheena Rajan | - | Cat Lady |
| Robert Emmett Young | - | Myspace Boyfriend (as Robert Young) |
| Matt Valade | - | Myspace Boyfriend (as Fox Valade) |
| Gustavo González | - | Myspace Boyfriend (as Gus Gonzales) |
