Inside Désirée Cousteau (1979) Online

This was the first 'porn' movie I ever saw. Way back in the 80's. It's pretty funny to watch even now. Probably more so because of it's age. There is not much to say about the story itself. But considering it was shot on film rather than video like most of todays material now is it looks better for it in my opinion. There is just something about porn 'films' that says something that todays video material cannot. It has more of a 'fantasy' feel to it. Where video seems too real and lacking.

There is a song in this movie that I have been trying to track down for some time with no luck. It's worth seeing for the kitchen scene and that song alone. Plus it features the now legendary deceased porn 'actor' John Holmes. Desiree herself looks very natural. Clearly not exhibiting the surgical 'attributes' of todays porn stars. If she did have any enhancements it is hard to tell. I am unsure if there is a different 'cut' of this movie as I only saw an uncut version that showed everything in very graphic detail. So there may be a 'soft' version that I did not see floating around. Possibly on some cable broadcasts.

As porn movies go it was well made, at times funny, other times very cheesy. The 'acting' is pretty much nonexistent for this type of 'movie'.

But then it's not made for that purpose. As exploitative pornography goes it's just another step along a well trodden path. But as a teenager who had never seen anything else it was something that has stuck in my memory for a very long time.

I had the flu one day in 1981, and no cable. Even in LA, there isn't always anything good on free TV. So I dragged myself out of bed and rented this title, along with the Lenny Bruce Performance Film. At a time when the cheapest VCR still cost $600 in 1981 bucks, I'd recently purchased two used VCRs with different things wrong with them for a total of $150. They worked when connected together, and weighed as much as small refrigerator.

I got the idea that Cousteu wasn't Desiree's real last name, even without the help of IMDB, because she pronounces it differently in different scenes.

Late in the film, there's a scene where she "does" a gent well into middle age. I assume a producer or pal of one of the filmakers, as he didn't have a porno physique. Desiree gives it up, but you can see she's definately not into it. The mature gent enjoys himself; there are no weird angles to expose the old in-n-out. "Good for him," I thought, though I am only now reaching his age.

In this age of implants, one has a tendency to take a jaundiced look at spectacular bodies. I wasn't hip to this in '81, when the process was much less common in any event. So I don't know how I'd react now. But she was a real beauty, or so it seemed at the time.

Inside Désirée Cousteau (1979)

*** (out of 4)

Desiree Cousteau plays herself as she tells us how she got into the porn industry. She starts off talking about previous jobs she had and how they prepared her for having sex in front of a camera.

If you're expecting some sort of real documentary on Cousteau then you're going to be disappointed. I honestly don't know how much of this is real but it seems pretty obvious that this was just produced to get the beautiful Cousteau in front of the camera in a funny slant. The film is basically a bunch of vignettes where Cousteau talks to the camera and then we see the "action" of the story.

There's obviously nothing ground-breaking here and the comedy isn't nearly as effective as what we saw the actress do in PRETTY PEACHES but at the same time if you're a fan of Cousteau then you'll enjoy watching this. There's no question that she has an undeniable charm and she manages to make you laugh even sometimes when she isn't trying to be funny. Another major plus is that she's got an amazing body so watching her hardcore scenes are certainly entertaining.

The film has a rather cheap feel to it and technically there's nothing overly impressive about it but if you're watching it then you're here for one thing and that Cousteau.

Desiree Cousteau, of course, is telling her "inside" personal story, much like Seka and a lot of other porn stars have done. It's very doubtful that it's true or based on anything real. The pacing is just right to hold excitement, but drags down during the boat scene with John Holmes and Serena. Here the off screen dubbing that uses different voices is most noticeable, too. It feels like an intermission break from a great threesome in a dress shop with Sharon Kane and Juliet Anderson. Desiree also tries a job as a door to door saleslady and meets the girl prospect of her dreams who is masturbating in the living room. Desiree just has one of the most explosive climax noises in adult cinema. Her career after being discovered as a porn star by an adult video clerk brings her to screw the grocery boy in the kitchen, the best scene in the film. Second place goes the film's first episode, her interview with a presidential candidate.