Sleeping Beauty: An Axel Braun Parody (2014) Online

With its lousy editing and ridiculous continuity gaffes, this Axel Braun ripoff of Disney material convinces me that my frequent calling him a hack is an insult to the innumerable hacks who currently dominate Adult Cinema (now video of course). Braun is incompetent, unworthy of even lowly hack status.

The poorly structured tale begins with a Princess Aurora nightmare that isn't scary at all: she's dancing for the court, a poorly staged twirling around solo in place unworthy of the categorization as "dance" when the lighting suddenly goes dim and everyone else is frozen - yes, she's still asleep on her bed as Sleeping Beauty.

Anikka Albrite is assigned the title role, and she certainly projects the fresh & innocent nature appropriate to that casting, no mean feat for a well-traveled porn star. But she has very little to do as a passive heroine in this lousy saga, quickly overshadowed by villainess Stormy Daniels as Maleficent, her huge jugs dominating the frame at every opportunity, and her sexiness significant in the requisite XXX scenes.

Story unfolds in a series of strung-together flashbacks, filled with continuity errors and contradictions. After her birth, an endless and tedious reverse gang-bang sequence grinds the film to a halt, as cameraman Jake Jacobs portrays King Hubert, father of the boy who is betrothed (at birth) to the newborn girl. He gets serviced by three wood spirits, porn beauties definitely great to see including veteran Claire Robbins, a well-made up Casey Calvert and superstar Riley Steele (late of many hits for rival distributor Digital Playground). Their endless blow jobs on Jake are repetitive but succeed in avoiding intercourse prior to his depositing spunk on their faces for cum-swapping purposes. This is a positive, since subsequent boy/girl scenes in this stinker all utilized condoms, destroying any fantasy atmosphere.

That atmosphere has been established by fine costumes and lighting, but that's where the quality of "Sleeping Beauty" begins and ends. Editing is haphazard at best, credited to "Mrs. Braun" but certainly Mr. Braun has to take the blame.

I found the treatment of the flashbacks to be confusing and utterly flawed. After we see Aurora grown up, a day before the fateful birthday when the curse laid upon the girl by a vengeful Maleficent will finally come to pass, meeting her betrothed at last in the person of curly- haired Michael Vegas. She's been protected and brought up by the 3 wood fairies (none of this is shown, just mentioned).

Then she reappears to watch from a distance a much earlier flashback of her parents, Mick Blue and Hall of Famer Shayla LaVeaux (like Robbins, great to see in a new film) humping outdoors as they plan to build a castle and start a family. Of course, the dream/nightmare structure can possibly explain why Aurora is watching her parents before she's even born, but that's a cop-out, as the sequence is presented "as is", just confusing.

The actual setting of the curse in motion is sloppily edited too: Aurora finds a spinning wheel in a darkened-sky scene outdoors to prick her finger on, but then is magically whisked to Maleficent's castle to undergo the spinning wheel pricking over again, cuing hot lesbian sex with Stormy in which anilingus by both actresses is emphasized. Makes no sense at all, and puts our beauty to Sleep about 63 minutes into the feature.

Vegas in bondage in a cell in Stormy's castle is then humped by the busty Wicked contract star, who reneges on her agreement to free him, at which point film's lousy pacing gets even worse with Riley magically showing up to instantly set Mike free, so that he can kiss Anikka and wake up Sleeping Beauty for a false happy ending. Just one of many anticlimaxes in the script credited to Braun and one "Mark Logan".

SPOILER:

Insulting tacked-on ending has our cynical pornographers X-ing out what's gone before in cutesy fashion. Instead of being awake, Anikka is still in a coma in a modern hospital with Riley, her fairy-styled pink hair intact cast in the role of a nurse, while the doctor is revealed to be, you guessed it, Stormy with a ton of makeup on but minus the chintzy antler headdress (Romi Rain in a spoof/ripoff short for Brazzers sported an infinitely better hairdo effect) she wore as Maleficent, to get the evil last laugh. Not a laugh on Aurora but on the audience instead.

It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing, or so a popular big band tune would have it. How this applies to the current state of the adult industry is that no matter how much you spend on production and CGI (huh ?), it won't amount to much if the sex remains staid and stolid. I'm not even talking about some of the outrages that seem to have become universally acceptable in our cynical anything goes age (Cole Porter sure was on to something...) like choking, slapping or even the now practically quaint posterior play, for there's little if any call for such practices in a "couples film", but how about some good old-fashioned passion ? Doing it to Disney for the second time in a row of presently three pornographic pastiches (Snow White and Cinderella being the other victims), Axel Braun has unfortunately delivered a somewhat soporific sex spectacle that - while befitting of his dormant heroine - fails to hit the hardcore mark through interminable and mechanically performed sexual encounters. What's particularly dispiriting are the clear signs that Braun is certainly capable and occasionally still willing to deliver something as exciting and edgy as 2003's COMPULSION, made at a time when he was still trying to prove himself as being more than the offspring of adult cinema legend Lasse Braun, only to pull back at the last moment and allow carnal cliché to conquer.

Of course, the fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty is well-known so details are barely bothered with, which allows for the odd surprise such as a startlingly effective downbeat twist at the end. Things get off (so to speak) to a good start as well with an eerie sequence of Princess Aurora (Annika Albrite, at least visually perfect for the part) dancing for the King and Queen and their assembled guests, only to have them inexplicably "freeze" in mid-gesture, much to the girl's panicked consternation. Seems like Beauty's already fast asleep and these are her reveries of events leading up to her dire predicament. The first and overall best of the sex scenes takes place when the three fairies, amusingly all endowed with Valley girl twangs, bestowing their gifts on the newborn princess by taking turns on elderly King Hubert's massive skin flute. The dapper old codger's imbued with considerable charm by veteran DoP Jake Jacobs employing his customary performer alias of "Jay Crew" and the girls are certainly gagging for it, although I could have done with a bit less of their constant billing and cooing. Riley Steele's Flora is the only one who's subsequently set up as a character in the slight narrative but gorgeous brunette Casey Calvert and cute as a button redhead Claire Robbins easily outdo her in terms of erotic enthusiasm. As with Disney's own recent take on its back catalog however, the emphasis rests squarely (and wisely) on villainess Maleficent, portrayed with consummate professionalism if a little low on gusto by Wicked's premium contract gal Stormy Daniels, miffed by not being invited to the christening and cursing Aurora in the way we're all familiar with.

Prior to being able to exact her revenge, Maleficent has to hunt down the errant royalty who's being raised as a peasant girl by the fairies in the woods. Following a chance meeting with her betrothed, Prince Philip (the vacuous Michael Vegas), she spies on her folks when they were amorous youngsters making out in the great outdoors as they did not yet have a castle to go to. Hey, it's her dream ! Insanely popular '90s skin flick starlet Shayla LaVeaux looks terrific as the future Queen and does a creditable number on her King Mick Blue (in real life actually Albrite's husband !) that could have been far more effective had it been edited down somewhat. Now is as good a time as ever to comment on a few annoying habits that Braun sadly brings to each and every sex scene, the most frustrating being costumes that never ever come off, just skirts raised up to the hips and breasts pulled out of corsets. The soundtrack, heavily borrowing from familiar classical selections, turns totally silent once the action gets underway as well and since this is not to get a lot of expository dialog out of the way apart from the usual guttural mutterings the effect only comes across as cheap.

Halfway through, Stormy takes over the reins and while this would normally mean good news she too often seems to be merely sleepwalking through the role, offering precious little energy in her couplings with Albrite and Vegas respectively. Yes, I do realize I'm probably nitpicking by now, porn pretty much being "just porn" nowadays, but a few rehearsals might have improved the general level of line readings, you know, like back when people actually cared about the "product" they put out. Along with some ruthless editing, this could have saved this "prestige project" (and now I'm absolutely certain those glowing magazine and website reviews are bought and paid for) from instant oblivion for it does look pretty and polished with lavish sets and them pesky frocks, good lighting (a tad bright for my tastes but then again, I'm an old-timer) and first-rate photography by "Eli Cross" a/k/a Bryn Pryor, like Braun another talented filmmaker who has settled into an undoubtedly comfortable if unexciting rut. If this represents adult's current Gold Standard, and by most enthused accounts it certainly seems that way, I'm gonna stick to my guns and go back and look at some real fornication film classics from yesteryear. Hey, you all know it makes sense !