Top Heavy Tarts 12 (2009) Online

Rodney Moore has made a lengthy career out of his amateur approach to gonzo porn, parlaying a propensity for Elmer's Glue type spunk laid on the faces of unsuspecting femmes into gold. No Rumpelstiltskin he, a thousand or so self-centered videos later he's still at work, and this very typical and very tedious example of a top-heavy series is a yawner.

That's because he failed to round up attractive femmes, and also refrained from coming up with catchy or at least novel set-ups for his scenes. Often Rodney, sort of the XXX version of the old soft-core cable guy Ugly George, would devise interesting frameworks for getting women to put out, whether truly amateurs or just seasoned porn veterans pretending to be bamboozled by his dump pick-up lines.

This time we get five girls of whom only Riley Evans can be counted as a mainstream "star" of sorts. Her tiresome vignette is an awful play on the Cuckold genre, in which she's a bride humping new hubby Mark Zane (a desultory XXX warm-up to her main action) at a B&B, prior to seducing the desk clerk Chris Johnson. It's a lousy vignette, in which Zane later gets off watching and then participating in a half-hearted threesome. Similarly, Naomi Cruz (billed here as Cruise, as Rodney can't seem to get the spelling straight among Tom Cruise's various same-named co- stars) is far better on screen elsewhere.

For his own showcases, Rodney is annoyingly playing a sort of slave master who literally puts his women on a rack upside down for pointless BDSM action. Two and a half hours later one will conclude this video clunker was a waste of time.