Tales from the Crypt Report from the Grave (1989–1996) Online

I love 'Tales from the Crypt', even the bad episodes. But this particular episode is bad in a way that even the most schlocky episodes aren't: it's confusing.

I have no idea what's happening in this episode or why. I don't know if it's the editing, the directing, or the writing that fail in this one but there's a scattershot of plot points that just don't connect.

Virtually every bad episode in seasons 1 through 6 errs on the side of predictability for sake of clarity. With few exceptions, this season (7) of British productions seems to miss the point of garishness over subtlety, the supernatural over sophistication, or of hamminess over Hamlet.

Tales of the Crypt has always been one of my favorite TV shows. And until I recently acquired all the seasons on DVD, I was saved from witnessing the majority of the horrible seventh season, when production moved to the UK and apparently the producers had it in their minds to ruin everything that comes with TotC. It lacked the dark humor and personality of the previous seasons and made up for the lack with terrible British dryness.

But this episode takes the cake and runs off with it. It is one of the most horribly confusing plots ever scripted for film.

Some guy discovers a method to read the memories of the dead. Laddyda, he tries to process some old geezer who apparently was a Satanist and serial killer. He seems to have a tense relationship with his girl, who we are led to believe stole his idea and claimed it for her own. Well, he shows her what's what! And then it explodes into the most random story ever. Girl wasn't so bad but now, in death, she belongs to the serial killer. Guy tries to make up for his mistake. Cue random body snatching of dead women and crazy fat guy running around licking a knife.

And the ending really hits the can. It just kind of ends. No real resolution. Is the girl still trapped in the serial killer's ghost world? Did this guy turn into a valiant knight and save her? Only thing I know is that this episode was bologna.

Tales from the Crypt: Report from the Grave starts as scientist Elliot (James Frain) & his girlfriend Arianne (Siobhan Flynn) breaking into the crypt of dead serial killer Valdemar Tymrak (Roger Ashton-Griffiths) so Elliot can test his memory retrieval device which is able to collect thoughts & memories from the dead. While testing the machine Elliot suspects that Arianne has been doing the dirty on him & decides to teach her a lesson but he ends up killing her after turning the machine up to maximum. However the machine has other side effects & Arianne's spirit is trapped in the afterlife with serial killer Tymrak who uses Elliots love of her to try & rejoin the land of the living to continue his murderous ways...

This Tales from the Crypt story was episode 8 from season 7 & Report from the Grave comes at the halfway point of the seventh season which so far has been pretty poor & this just continues that very disappointing trend. Written & directed by William Malone the script was supposedly based on a story from the 'Tales from the Crypt' comic book although the only similarities the two share is the title Report from the Grave as the two stories are actually very different, I would say Report from the Grave is one of the most poorly written Tales from the Crypt episodes I have seen with a confused plot & an ending which to me makes virtually no sense whatsoever. In fact I would probably say that Report from the Grave has the single weakest ending in the entire ninety three episode run of Tales from the Crypt, it's that bad. I just don't get it & it's not explained properly either so the episode ends with the viewer feeling very frustrated & left just sitting there asking questions & wondering what just happened. There's not much pace to it, the character's & story is weak & the tone is uneven going from horror to love story to supernatural drama with no aspect particularly impressing.

The opening sequence is quite atmospheric as it's set in a creepy graveyard at night but apart from that this is pretty mundane & forgettable stuff. There's a few shots of someone dribbling blood & a dead body in a bathtub with slashed wrist's but otherwise there's no gore or violence worth mentioning. The opening & closing Cryptkeeper sequences sees him dressed as a gardener & are by far the most entertaining parts of the episode. The acting is alright by no-one I have ever heard of.

Report from the Grave is yet another extremely poor Tales from the Crypt story from season seven, a seventh season which has been very poor so far.

Done right, this could've been an incredible episode. It could possibly have been a pretty worthy horror movie. After a fairly intense beginning, it became choppy and confused. It was as if pieces of the story were left on the cutting room floor.

A little explanation of what happened to Elliott between departing the hospital and his second attempt at his experiment would have been helpful. What did he do? Where did the bodies come from? Were they significant in some way? Also, what did he see in the book? Was there a big rush to get this episode out? Would someone on the production staff mind explaining that one?

In my opinion, there was one bright spot. Roger Ashton-Griffiths. The character of Valdemar Tymrak could've given Freddy Krueger nightmares. A little more of him would not have hurt.