Goldenrod (1975) Online

Forget the title (what could be an easier task in the case of generic porn), this is a pointless XXX movie with a no-name cast. Something Weird has made it available on Vol. 138 of its Dragon Art Theatre series.

Dick Long is awakened in bed by his phone ringing, cueing girl friend Diane servicing him. She's played by Mira Vane, a bosomy Frisco actress who I've seen frequently but rarely in the spotlight.

A Mrs. Olsen watches them and masturbates. It seems that Dick is plagued with a perpetual hard-on, a very common porn tradition long before Cialis was invented.

He has other sexual encounters, with Elaine and then a bosomy (though droopy) beauty, as romantic guitar music plays to set the mood.

The morose Dick calls his pal Eric for moral support, but his life is being messed up by his hard-on (he's embarrassed to go out in public and assume his daily routine).

Solution form Eric is to hire Wanda Warmhole, famed for her "snapper pussy" (we never find out what that euphemism means). She comes to visit wearing a very campy sideshow outfit. She services Dick's dick, and the film mercifully ends.

W.C. Fields supposedly wrote film scripts on the back of an envelope, but this one might have been scrawled on the back of a postage stamp.