Satan's Playground (2006) Online

Fangoria gives Satan's Playground 3 1/2 stars. Fangoria creates a buzz and excitement, the cast and crew will be at their convention! Fangoria charges admission to sit and listen to cast and crew discuss Satan's Playground. Quite a little racket. Sub-level horror filmmakers seem stuck in an almost raptured love of 70's and 80's Exploitation/Slasher horror. Certainly no masterpieces themselves they still have a sentimental place in the heart of horror fans who grew up being scared by them. These films marked a milestone in the genre, shockers for the time, I'm sure those iconic directors never imagined they would be copied, and copied...and copied. Nothing about this film is original. In fact, it's such a tacky copy of a combination of much earlier films that rather than being an homage, it insults the originals by claiming it's something new. The plot is so typical, so (I SWORE I wouldn't write it but I have to) cliché, yet without any merit or reason. A family is stranded in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. One by one they wander off and are poorly dispatched by the obligatory crazy family who look like they're taking a break from a really bad community haunted house. UGH, just writing that makes me mad. The director rips off film shots and styles relentlessly. Rushing cameras follow the "girl in peril" as she screams her head off through the woods. The camera rushes up to a front door for no reason. A snake is placed on a table and reacts on cue for no reason. The timing and plot devices are disastrous. Then there is the acting. The lead female looks way too young for her part. The biggest twist was when I discovered she was married to the older man and had an EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD SON. No one in the film is in the least bit attractive, a must for bad horror. The old hag woman coasts along on her appearance alone, which is so...copied. At least give us something soft to rest our eyes on. Ugh,mad again. The most cardinal sin in my humble opinion is you can't even laugh at it. If you're not going to scare or disturb at least entertain. I hope I never find out how much the budget was for this pile, because if it was fifty cents it was too much. The DVD should come with a full rebate.

I watched this on Netflix instant play mainly because I have an exact replica of the door knocker that's in the poster art. It's a nice door knocker, wrought iron and well made. I can't bring myself to display it though, not because I think it's creepy in any way (which it isn't) but because it's just SO tacky. It figures prominently in this. Yes, it's very, very tacky.

Fans turn to horror reviewers because they want to know if a film is worth buying. We expect honesty, not shilling for profit or nepotism. Being this off base is infuriating.

Fangoria should be ashamed of itself.

I consider myself a fan of Mr. Dante as a writer and director. I enjoyed both desecration and Horror. Did they have good acting? Not really. Were they scary? Desecration had some creepy parts, but overall no. So why did I like these movies? because they were surreal. They were on crack and they knew it. This is what made the movies enjoyable to watch. Satan's playground is much more straight forward and this leaves all of Dante's bad dialogue and bad actors nowhere to hide. The movie isn't scary. There is only one really moment of gore. This movie is just plain bad. The married couple in the film look like father and daughter and I thought they were for the first half hour.

This movie tries to blend ideas from several cult horror flicks from the 70s and 80s but fails rather miserably at pulling it all off. A grating Italian-American family consisting of husband Frank (Salvatore Paul Piro), wife Donna (Felissa Rose, of SLEEPAWAY CAMP fame), their mentally-retarded son Sean (Danny Lopes), Donna's sister Paula (Ellen Sandweiss) and Paula's infant son Anthony (Marco Rose) are headed somewhere in their station wagon and decide to take a short cut through the New Jersey Pine Barrens. Their car gets stuck in some mud, Frank decides to walk off somewhere to get help and ends up stumbling upon a creepy old house inhabited by an elderly palm reader named Mrs. Leeds (Irma St. Paule). Mrs. Leeds claims to have thirteen children, but only two of them - Boy (Edwin Neal) and Judy (Christie Sanford) - still live with her. All three of them turn out to be psychotic. They kill Frank and then set their sites on the rest of the family; basically killing anyone else who happens to wander into their path. Oh yeah, and there's also some kind of creature ("The Jersey Devil") flying around in the woods killing people that we never actually get to see.

The director has no problem citing his two primary sources; the POV floating-through-the-woods camera-work of THE EVIL DEAD (1981) and the warped backwoods family of THE T EXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974), here. Sandweiss naturally co-starred in the former; Neal in the latter. The character of Judy - a childish, deranged adult woman in pigtails who seems obsessed with babies - was copied directly from the so-so A MERICAN Gothic (1987). There are references to other horror films here too, if you want to look for them. What I had a major problem with was how moronic the characters were. Not only are they unlikable, they do one stupid thing after another throughout the movie. Some of the things that occur over the course of this film make absolutely no sense. And no, I'm not stupid enough to buy into the supposed "abstract nightmare logic" some people claim this movie has. Stupid is stupid.

At one point, a policeman shows up at the sinister home to investigate. Ms. Leeds tells him that muffled screams he's hearing from the basement are a cat, so he just leaves (!), goes back to his car and is killed by the invisible flying monster thingy. The next shot reveals that the police car is parked within just a few feet of the stranded family's car... which two of the characters are still sleeping in! So let me get this straight. The policemen sees a car parked in the middle of the road but doesn't even check on it? And the people inside the car don't hear him driving up the road, see his lights or hear him pulling up. And they don't hear him screaming when he's being killed? "Nightmare logic" or pure idiocy? You be the judge.

One of the characters survives the night and ends up in the safety of a hospital to recount the tale to police. So what happens next? Does the policeman do what all other policemen on the planet would do when faced with a potential massacre and organize a heavily-armed posse to raid the home? Nope! He just drags the survivor back to the house of horrors all by himself with no backup whatsoever. And the two examples listed above are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to "Yeah... right" moments.

The locations are decent and the director throws in a couple of nicely-composed shots here and there (though the overdone POV shots get old after awhile). There's also a corker of a gore scene where a guy has throat cut and blood gushes out all over the place. Other than that, I didn't really care for this. The acting isn't very good, the characters are dull and moronic and the plot line is a nonsensical mess. I found myself more annoyed than entertained.

I am tired of wasting my time with pathetic horror. The worst acting you've ever seen, and you immediately hope all of the main characters die soon.The movie had just started when you get the "Did you hear that?" line. Oh my God...I have finally realized that there is no American horror any more. The production value is castrated by amateurish acting. American horror needs something other than "a band of crazies out in the wilderness terrorizing a family." The emphasis on the Home Depot "scary" door knocker is totally laughable. The only redeeming factor is a trailer for Evil Dead, which is a much better film.I stopped this one fast and sailed it across the room.

Dante Tomaselli, while obviously a big horror fan, still has yet to make a good horror movie. His latest, "Satan's Playground", while better than his previous genre venture "Horror", still isn't any good.

The plot: A generally unlikeable family (which includes "Sleepaway Camp" star Felicia Rose and "Evil Dead" girl Elen Sandweiss) find themselves trapped in the woods of Jersey. They run into another small family, this one (obviously) made up of psychopaths. Oh, and there's the Jersey Devil.

Throughout the movie (and in it's commentary), Tomaselli talks a lot about "nightmare logic" and so forth. While such a thing worked for directors like Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci, here is backfires on Tomaselli. This actually seems to be one of the biggest problems with his movies: he has no idea how to correctly tell a story, or make anything remotely scary. Sure, there is some bloodshed (including an awesome slit throat), some bludgeoning, Satan worshipers, and other things, but it just feels tacked on, as if he thought throwing things in randomly (the Satan worshipers sub-plot goes nowhere, and is unneeded) will make it scary. Unfortunately, he seems to forget that things such as atmosphere and dread are what made so many of the movies he loves memorable, thus making the whole movie feel unnecessary and contrived.

Maybe next time, he will manage to hit a home run. Until then, it seem's poor Dante will continue to make uninvolved, senseless horror without a point or a scare in tact.

Sometimes, it takes a little searching to find what's worth bringing home. Yes there were some continuity issues with Satan's Playground. Yes, there are some questionable performances and yes you may find yourself saying "what the heck?" However, try and take enjoyment in the individual morsels of creativity. Not every film can be an Exorcist or Cannibal Holocaust. Irma St. Paule (RIP) was creepy, pick the film apart and it remains one surety and to see this elderly woman snorting cocaine made me belly laugh. Irma St. Paule, was listed as being eighty years old at the time of her death (January 2007), although, some of her peers suspected that she was in fact older. Whether that be true or not, this still placed her as the oldest performing actor in the business (at that time), she was on stage until the end and that is something to be said. I enjoyed seeing Ellen Sandweiss again; she is a part of the institution that set the bar. This is Cheryl from Sam Raimi's Evil Dead (1981), she was one of the scariest demons I have seen to date and the only woman (or at least the first) to be raped by a tree. There is some other talent worth mentioning. Felissa Rose's performance was actually pretty good considering what she had to work with (Which included a husband (Salvatore Paul Piro) who is twice her age (and size), in addition to a terribly portrayed Autistic son (Danny Lopes) that is twenty six years old, meaning Felissa birthed him at twelve), however, when you are looking into those eyes, they convey fear. Felissa has come a long way since her role as the transgendered murderess in Sleepaway Camp (1983), which still has a cult following. I will never forget her at the end of the film, standing there, naked with a penis (I was definitely scarred). Sleepaway Camp is a notable entry to the 80's slasher invasion. Back to Satan's Playground, there were some steals from Sam Raimi's Evil Dead (in addition to Ellen Sandweiss) for instance, the famous POV shots of the unseen bat like assailant (Jersey Devil), which had little to do with movie. Most of the quality kills were via bludgeoning or being drugged by the House's inhabitants and not the Jersey Devil. Additionally, the facial expressions made by Christie Sandford were very similar to that of Possessed Betsy Baker's (Linda of Evil Dead). Though his role was confusing to say the least, it is worth a mention that Edwin Neal who plays "Boy" was none other than the Hitchhiker of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). Raine Brown was also on set, unfortunately with a very small role.

Overall, I'll admit, the film is a little less to be desired. However, if you truly love horror, you'll retrieve these aforementioned morsels of entertainment and move on. If anything, to see Irma snorting cocaine is worth the watch (I am laughing as I end this). Happy Horrors

I don't know what I have more contempt for: this movie or the people who lionize it. It's by far one of the worst movies of all time. Not because it's acting is bad, the music ques obvious, the story completely ludicrous; but because none of this was intentional. I read how people think Dante's a genius for his camp and retro references and lame excuses like it's meant to be bad.

But unlike post modernist gems, like the demo film in "Dodge Ball" or Austin Powers, this film takes itself entirely seriously. There's no wink, wink, nudge, nudge saying that it's meant to be that way. If you don't believe me, listen to Dante in the interviews. He really thinks his work is visionary when it's actually, recycled clichés not done well. Critics and fans have been seduced by decent music and great production design and cinematography. At the core is bad acting playing out a play school story.

At least the films he so much extols from the 70's and 80's, had a certain level of craft that DT clearly lacks. Spooky lighting, framing and production design cannot in of itself create genuine tension and suspense that the films from 70's had. Don't Look Now, Audrey Rose, The Thing all had wonderfully crafted plots, with good actors and were told in a way that made your insides churn and your bladder weak.

DT's sense of pace and plot are remedial at best. A hammer in the head is a nice way to whack someone but in of itself it's just like saying "boo" when someone comes around a corner. A little shock. But with no build up, it leaves you cold with no lasting experience.

All of SP's kills are staged like this. No build up. As Hitchcock said, it's not the surprise but everything leading up to it. And for God's sake, learn to stage violence or get a decent stunt coordinator and editor. 500,000.00 maybe peanuts to Hollywood but no reason to have kills that kids pretending to play WWF in their back yard can out do.

Further testament to a lousy story is that he cannot seem to cast good actors, in any of his films. Not like they have to be famous but they're loads of unknowns who can act circles around DT's hall of fame lineup. I believe he avoids them because skilled actors will expose his crap stories and his inability to direct them. Bad actors are like cattle - they're all too happy to be alive on a set. In fact, the key to low budget horror is casting good actors.

I believe his fans, like most gore heads are social misfits who can only find a sense of belonging by hailing tripe like SP. You know, the kid who thinks it's cool to like really bad movies. There's a reason none of films get theatrical.

I just wasted 80 minutes of my life watching this trash. What the hell was that? No one fought back. All they did was scream. I mean there is "unrealistic" horror, sure. But this was "UNREALISTIC" horror. If you can call it that. I heard Dante was a "great" horror director. I guess I was dead wrong. The cover makes it look pretty good and then ...nope. I recommend Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2. Most of the time I just laughed, and not good laughter. Just because it was pathetic. It just goes to show that the cover of the DVD can really be deceiving. I don't think I will ever watch a Dante movie again. Don't waste your time. Not even 1 out of 10.

What a mess. And I had good feelings, too, after the first five minutes. After a competent, simple POV attack scene I waited with baited breath, anxiously pondering what horrific form the Jersey Devil would take, what terrible possibilities a film like this could play with . . . and the monster totally dropped out of the movie. The next twenty minutes consisted of three people in a car being "dramatic". Still, I thought, ol' Jersey D can't be far away, eh?

No. I'm not even gonna lead you on anymore. After the "character" scenes the movie lurches into a load of bushwah about a psychotic backwoods family and a satanic cult, but you shouldn't bother taking notes, because none of it goes anywhere. At all. It's a completely empty movie, no motivation, no story, not even any scares. You could rearrange all of the scenes and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. And the Jersey Devil stays a POV shot the whole film. But hey, that's "nightmare logic" for you, right? Right?

No, it's crap, and Dante Tomaselli should be called out on it. A bad movie's still bad, even if you can wax philosophic about it on your commentary track, and a movie with no plot can't get away with "nightmare logic" (director's words) if there's nothing else for it to fall back on.

Okay, I first heard of this film with the return of Ellen Sandweiss who was in Evil Dead and despite any other cinematic features she may have been apart of, E.D. was the last I had saw her. And no, it's not that I think Ellen's actings skills are superb, it's not because she was raped by a tree (although that was dope), but it's because I find her attractive-

Okay, so movie on, I do agree with the previous reviewer on how there was/is a certain buzz about this film and so I went to my local crap-busters to see if they had a copy in stock. Luckily, they did and so I rented it and went home to see what was all the hype about.

Basically, in a nutshell, the movie is about all the crazy things that happen in the Pine Barrens of S. New Jersey. You got a retarded psychopathic family, satanists, and the Jersey Devil or more appropriate-The Jersey translucent bat.

I like abstract, atmospheric, dark ambient stuff but a film like this fails in comparison with "The Wendigo."

The things that I liked about the movie was the part of Grandma Leeds (played by Irma St. Paule) sniffing cocaine (infact, her performance throughout was rather good), the stupid hiker guy who got his throat slashed by the Jersey translucent bat, and the guy who played Sean,the retarded son (he did a good job on acting retar; oops, "special" with the drool included), and of course the appearance of Felicia Rose (Mama-Mia).

What I didn't like about the movie was noticing that something wasn't all too there with them before they found the Leeds. Ellen's character was a bit slow and out there. The only normal guy in the movie was the pops (the big Jersey Italian guy) before he got cranially reamed by a mallet, the cop who just appeared out of nowhere at the Leed's house because he had a complaint about devilworshipping kids whipping people on their front lawn, when the cop gets slashed and killed in his patrol car (which was parked down the dirt road from where the station wagon was), Ellen lifts her head from the cover later and notices the cop car but not paying attention to when the guy was getting killed (wtf), and the slow, weird motions of the characters like when Felicia's running (yes, I know it was suppose to be abstract), and the retarded, psycho looking fat heffer of a girl with gray eyes smiling all crazy, and last but not least everybody at the hospital near the end acting all unattached to the survivor.

Now, first off if I'd seen a psycho looking girl with gray eyes smiling all crazy in the woods, I'd know something's up and if I went into some old torn down shack of a house where it looked crazy and humanly impossible of living in, that would be point two.

Question 1: And did you notice that nobody has cellphones at all? Question 2: What do you think happened to the baby?

By looking at a movie within the first 3 minutes, I know if it's good or not and I like things to be realistic especially for a (it could happen type of movie) and this failed miserably for my expectations.

Of course, there's people all in the woods of the great pine barrens Satanists, hikers, other girls with car trouble, the Jersey translucent devil bat, hence Satan's playground.

One thing that I think I understand in a sub level is grandma Leeds is a witch, the Jersey translucent devil bat is her familiar/demon, and the satanist perform rituals on her lawn because that's what we just do, lol. The hints to this is because in dialog with Sean, she said that she had 13 kids who all were bad. Whatever, I like Wendigo because for me it's more grounded and it brings the darkness more to realistic level.

But don't take my word for it, what I might hate would be genius to you and vice versa.

This movie was so goddamn AWFUL that even thinking about it now makes me wince in pain.

• The acting is terrible. So...very terrible...not one of the people in this movie can act...Acting is not one of their talents, they have no acting ability, acting is beyond their limited talents, I know dead fish who had more liberating careers yadda yadda. Trust me.

• The story is really...meh...It's badly written, uninspired and the storyline really is pathetic, disjointed and altogether boring.

• It has the typical stupid plot points, where people do stupid things and you lose all respect for them as characters.

• Can I mention the terrible acting again? - It was painful...seriously...

• I mean...I wish I could find more to complain about but there's so little substance to the film and all the people in it that there's literally nothing left to say about it, apart from, Whatever you do, DO NOT watch this film unless you enjoy the slow and painful melting of your own brain as you sit through the most retarded and pathetic attempt at movie making you will ever witness.

I'm doing this to save people from wasting a good 90 minutes of precious, precious life.

I watched this one after reading the great review here and I am more than disappointed. It took about 5 minutes to know that a long 90 minutes have just begun... the opening is plain stupid, the acting in the first car sequence comes across pretty fake and as soon as the palm readers house comes up its getting close to ridiculous. Before that it works OK with the wing-flapping, nice camera-moves and dark forest, eerie music but that house and its inhabitants. When they first opened the door I thought its turning into a comedy. The palm reader and her daughter are the most stupid thing in this movie. The killings are idiotic and it looks like one of these plastic hammers from toy shops is banged on the victims heads by the pseudo-eerie daughter of the palm reader. After 40 Minutes I was close to stop watching because there is nearly nothing happening and the music is overused so it turns from eerie to a lullaby along with the awful slow pacing. The plot is nearly non-existent and seems too stupid to be true. I sat through the whole movie hoping that some real cool twist was coming up to see an ending which doesn't even deserve that name, especially because you never get to see the "evil" roaming the forest... Avoid this movie if you are not a fan of polished trash. The visuals are not bad at times, but the acting, make-up and the strange sound-mix of the movie (voices are too low compared with the screams so either you get annoyed by the ridiculous screaming by the main actress or you barely can hear the dialogs) make it hard work to watch.

A family in New Jersey drives along an isolated road, and the father is falling asleep at the wheel. His wife (I thought at first she was his daughter) mainly bitches at him, and he falls asleep two or three times since nobody has the sense to replace him behind the wheel. Their station wagon gets stuck in mud alongside a road. They're unable to push it out and don't try to put anything under the wheels for traction. The father walks into the woods to find help for some reason, rather than walking down the road. He comes across a boarded- up house and asks for a phone.

What seems like like hours later, the wife (Felissa Rose) goes off in the woods in the same direction. Somehow she winds up at the same house, and asks for the phone. While she had earlier said that her son was foaming at the mouth in the back seat of the car because he was scared and not because of a seizure, at the house she says her autistic eighteen- year-old son was having a seizure. She also says that her husband has seen a house in the woods - he hadn't. The old woman at the house mentions she has thirteen children, two of them living at home, both of them in their forties and retarded.

A cop stops by the house. He says there had been some kids dressed up in Halloween costumes outside. He hears Felissa calling for help in the basement, but accepts the old woman's explanation that it's a stray cat. Dumb! He returns to his car, an old beater with a blue light on top. He gets attacked by something from the sky, and these minor injuries apparently kill him. Despite the death of a police officer, later in the movie they send out just one officer and one of the victims to check the house!

Back at the car, the sister sees the cop's car parked in front of the station wagon. Why didn't he check the station wagon before going to the house? How did he see the people outside the house when it was far in the woods? How did he return to his car so quickly? This is a movie with lots of writing and continuity problems.

Sis leaves her baby in the car when she checks the police car, and naturally it's gone when she returns. She goes into the woods, also manages to come across the same house, and asks to use the phone. She freaks out there, and scares a teenage girl who stopped by the house to use the phone. Surprising the old lady's palm reading business wasn't more popular at such a popular location!

The autistic son had gone into the woods also and knocked himself out. He too goes to the house, and eventually gets sucked into the ground, like a character in Tomaselli's Desecration, which is more interesting than this movie!

And on it goes. Much of the musical score is quite poor, particularly the instrumental song that is apparently supposed to be playing on the radio. The acting is just execrable, almost all-around. I couldn't say whether this was the casting or the direction of the actors. Ellen Sandweiss is OK, and attractive, but has a small role. There are horror clichés aplenty, like one character finding it easier to jump out what is apparently a third story window, than trying to break through a thin first-story door with a large window in it. The ending is pathetic, a steal from Evil Dead that I suppose is meant as a tribute, but just feels cheap.

Avoid!

Wow.

I have to say, I've seen a lot of bad films in my time, but not many that can rival Satan's Playground. And, it's not a good kind of bad, either. More like the "shake your head sadly and pity everyone involved" kind of bad.

The plot is simply a basic, Texas Chainsaw ripoff. A group of people are stranded in the middle of nowhere and are killed one after another by a family of inbred mutant hicks. Of course, in TCM, the inbreds had to work a bit to take down their prey; in this movie, the victims are dim enough to walk straight up to the horror house one at a time, knock on the door, and ask to use the phone. One right after another, like clockwork. Oh, and there's a lurking monster - the Jersey Devil - thrown in to pick off the stragglers. Just don't expect JD to actually put in an on-camera appearance; that, apparently, was too much effort for this production.

But don't worry about the plot so much; most likely, you'll be too distracted by the atrocious casting to worry about it. Our victims, far as I can tell, are a family unit - Mom, Dad, Sis, Sis' baby, and Autistic Bro. Took forever to figure that out, though, since Dad looks about 45-50, Mom looks like she's in her late twenties, Sis looks about 30, while A-Bro is established at 18, and looks about 23. The baby, however, is convincingly infantile. Much like the rest of this flick. (Yeah, I know it's a cheap shot, but can you blame me?)

After you've wrapped your head around that, then you can marvel at how... busy the middle of nowhere is. As mentioned above, we've got four separate scenes of the principles wandering up to Casa Mutata, plus another, totally unrelated and irrelevant stranded woman pounding on the door (and basically being told to stand in line behind the rest of the movie if she wants killin'), random Satanists coming up on the weekend to perform unholy rites in the inbreds' front yard, a cop who seems to be patrolling in area (and doesn't bother to check out the stranded vehicle stuck not 20 yards from where he parked), and several cars driving up and down the backwoods dirt roads. One of which won't even slow down to help a fleeing victim.

Nothing hangs together, or even appears to be trying to make any sense. Even if you're a fan of the badfilm, I'd recommend you take a pass on this one.

Well I must say this movie is a complete cinematic disaster.The characters act like some cartoons characters.Even Tom and Jerry would keep me more interested...The author of the movie inspired from a lot of other movies...like "The Texas chainsaw massacre" ,"Running scared".It's ingenuity isn't shown at all.I started watching this movie with great interest,fooled by the captivating title.This movie is lame,not horror at all...And when the creature cuts a boy,from his throat runs so much blood like it was a comedy or something.It's not making any sense regarding to the title.Maybe I am used to real horror movies and criticize too much but I think this movie wouldn't scare anyone who has seen at least one real horror movie.If I may compare this to "The Texas chainsaw massacre" I can say this is just a lame copy of the script put on screen with some second category characters.It's not worth seeing.Better try the original!

I don't know if I should have added a warning about spoilers, but that's because I couldn't find a point to this movie at all! Seriously,I don't know what I'd be spoiling? The characters must have had some point, but I couldn't find it, and I will not subject myself to watching this train wreck ever again! Maybe you need to be part of a satanic order of sorts? The most shocking thing is this movie found distribution! If 0 was a score, I would have given this pearl a minus 10! Im sure anyone not associated with the film, that have seen it will agree! But if you don't please let me know what the hell this film was about! This film is one for the Twilight Zone!

Get this... the movie is like a cross between The Evil Dead and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with the Jersey Devil myth thrown in for good measure. It stars horror veterans Felissa Rose, Edwin Neal, and Ellen Sandweiss. Sounds like the recipe for a really superb horror flick, right?...WRONG!!!!! Satan's Playground proves that a great premise and good cast will only take a movie so far and not save it, in any way, from being a stinker. Absolutely brimming with horror cliché's and cheap thrills, this movie took a lot of good potential and tossed it out the window.

The film is about a couple who are headed out into the woods for a nice little camping trip with their mentally-challenged son and the wife's sister in tote. While on the road they, OF COURSE, have car trouble. After getting stuck in the mud, the man goes for help and finds an old, creepy house out in the woods. The house, OF COURSE, belongs to a family of bloodthirsty devil-worshiping killers.

Do I really need to continue further?

About the only good thing this movie had going for it was the atmosphere and cinematography. It was genuinely creepy and evil. The set-pieces were great, too. The director could have taken that and run with it a lot further. It was prevented by bad writing, bad acting, and all those annoying stereotypical situations. It reminded me of a cheap horror movie that would be made around the early-mid 90s before horror started to self-realize a lot.

Overall, it's a very trite and lackluster effort.

*Shakes head*... Why did I sit through it? I knew after the first five minutes that it was going to be utter tripe.

I'm a fan of a lot of low budget horror but this really had no redeeming features. I sincerely hope that this is the last we see of this awful man and his total lack of talent. He should not be allowed to make movies.

The acting wasn't the worst of it, not by a long shot. The script and direction is where it really falls apart. You will be continually shaking your head in disbelief at the shoddy and stupid turns that the plot takes.

And it's not even funny. It's not even "so bad it's good". You may well want to kill yourself for sitting through it. It actually made me feel slightly physically ill. It's really that bad.

Do not watch. If you feel you have to, see how you like the first five minutes. You didn't? Well, switch off and save yourself some time. Wish I had.

It seemed like a stereotypical dysfunctional family, presumably Italian-American, on a trip through the woods in New Jersey. They break down and, like the back roads of Texas, they come upon things they should have left alone.

Felissa Rose seemed more like the daughter than the wife, but I'll play along. If Frank (Salvatore Paul Piro) can get a wife like that, there is hope for me.

Major screams from Felissa Rose, putting her at the head of the class as a Scream Queen.

Creepy, bloody, suspenseful fun makes for a good scary pic with some very weird characters.

I can honestly say that I have never seen such anon-entertaining film. Its pretty bad when a slasher flick manages to be boring. But this movie is both boring and repetitive.

Basically, here goes: Family of fools breaks down on the side of the road. One by one, they ask a family of murderous psychopaths for help. One by one, they get murdered. There is no acting in this film. Everyone says their lines as if they're made out of wood. The set is just some abandoned house. The AV quality is mediocre. The plot is close to non-existent (knock on door, DIE). The Villains are one-dimensional and utterly unbelievable. This movie is an utterly cheap piece of trash.

While not ever reaching the feverish pitch of SNAKES ON A PLANE's massive internet push which left people gASPing for its release, Dante Tomaselli's SATANS PLAYGROUND has slowly grown a major cult following a full year before its August 22nd release. While New Line's movies slithers into B movie hissstory as a disappointment, Tomaselli's PLAYGROUND has teeter tottered into the consciousness of horror fans everywhere...and comes out swinging.

Director Tomaselli has had great success with 2 previous dtdvd releases-DESECRATION and HORROR. Those two films were sensational dreams-capes of masterful terror. SATANS PLAYGROUND straddles the anxieties and fears derived from those films while adding a new landscape of monotony, claustrophobia and pulverizing action to create a roller-coaster ride you won't soon forget. If DESECRATION was the ascent of a wooden coaster-rickety, unnerving and surprising-and HORROR the tip of the first hill-no turning back fright, than SATANS PLAYGROUND is the out of control coaster descending uncontrollably into an abyss of the unknown, noisy, out of control and harrowing.

Tomaselli tantalizes viewers like few modern directors have. SATANS PLAYGROUND has a definitive signature scrawled across its celluloid in blood. He is a unique austerest who unlike the cookie cutter directors today creates his films from the inner turmoils of the dark recesses of his mind-not from a concept. Yet PLAYGROUND-on the surface-is a concept. It is "the Jersey Devil movie".But-like the motifs running through all his films-nothing is as it seems. The legend of the Devil is there-but the psychology and complexity of this film is as thick as the fauna and flora of its forest setting. Like the Pine Barrens itself, PLAYGROUND won't let you out so easy once you are taken into it and once inside its eerie trappings-you are overwhelmed by its beauty but deceived by it as well.

SATANS PLAYGROUND is unrelenting and its director unforgiving. It is a popcorn movie and a therapy session rolled into one. Tomaselli creates a series of characters everyone can identify with-a young wife with an autistic teen son-unhappily married to a man 15 years her senior. Her beloved single mom sister-her only friend and her infant baby. Travelling on a vacation in a vintage station wagon, Tomaselli cleverly sets up the situation. The overbearing husband/father to the left-and in front, an old fashioned man who's literally in the drivers seat. The unhappy wife on the right, helpless . The sister right behind her sister in placement and support , the baby in the coveted seat in the center and like all teens-the autistic boy in the rear-unheard and barely seen.

Tomaselli puts the movie into high gear immediately after an incredible opening aerial shot that dwarfs the Bruno family in the massive woods-there is dread at the get go. I wont spoil the thrills ahead but the sadistic side of Tomaselli takes no prisoners. Nothing is predictable-some of it disturbs all of it frightens.

Felissa Rose epitomizes the 30 something mother who is literally and emotionally lost in the woods as her life meanders on. She is an elegant actress-she says more in her facial contortions than someone would in a one woman show. Tomaselli has given her a vast canvas of which she paints a colorful, shaded portrait of despair.. You care greatly what happens to her character-and it isn't pretty. Ellen Sandweiss as the sister looks uncannily like Rose. You believe they are sisters. Her single mom-like many we know-has resorted to the loneliness consuming her life. Her baby is all that matters and Sandweiss' inert fierceness and maternal instinct propels her to a point of no return-she's fearless-any mother would be. Ellen Sandweiss is a stunner, she exudes sensuousness without bearly trying. In these thickets she is a true earth mother. Together Sandweiss and Rose are 2/3rds of Bergman's CRIES AND WHISPERS sisters who care for their sickly teen son/nephew who is dying inside rather than a third sister dying outside. Tomaselli shoots them lovingly-their beauty transcends the gorgeousness of this films delicate palette. As the teen, Tomaselli has resorted-very successfully-to using Danny Lopes as his alter ego as Truffaut had done in his films. Lopes gives a powerful, heartbreaking performance as the mishandled Sean. Tomaselli has used him as the catalyst in all his movies-he is literally The Eyes of Dante Tomaselli. Through him we glance at the true horror of these movies-Dante Tomaselli's visionaries of his past.Irma St. Paule is one of the most maniacal creations on film. A magnificently shattering performance-she is Medusa in Martha Stewarts clothing. She'll bring shivers to your dreams. The antithesis of Sandweiss' Paula-she too will stop at nothing to save her children-only two of 13 being left. Tomaselli's parallels of good mother/evil mother are 2 sides of the same coin and it fascinates as well as repels. As the repulsive progeny, Christie Sanford exudes pathologicalness-and manages unbelievably to create sympathy for her deranged kidnapper. But-its not long before you lose sympathy for this devil-woman. Ed Neal is Quasimodo and the Elephant Man-a misunderstood monster that is allowed to run rampant and has no choice of benevolence-as much as he tries-because he's not shackled in a bell tower or whisked away in a freak show. Neal leaves an indelible impression nearly equaling the 74 CHAINSAW he costarred in.

SATANS PLAYGROUND demands attention. It is an important step in modern horror. Its references to other films-part of the fun is finding them in this demented Where's Waldo? scheme-are only a launching pad to a unique visionary. With DESECRATION.HORROR and SATANS PLAYGROUND, Tomaselli has resurrected the thematic films prevalent in foreign films by Rohmer and Truffaut in the 70s. This is a hot movie-a Dante's inferno if you will-and with PLAYGROUND it is also Dante's Peak...for now.

I saw the trailer for this a long time ago and saw this at a film festival in San Fran a year ago, still remember it; I'm looking forward to checking it on DVD in a few weeks. It's got the familiar scenario of "The Vacation that Goes Straight to Hell," and pays homage to TCM and Hills Have Eyes where one dysfunctional family meets a much more dysfunctional family. The plot's simple, simple isgood IMO.. Family stranded, strange threatening environment, family meets the people they really shouldn't have, and the the cast countdwindles. It's a more stripped-down horror from a director who usually does films with more nightmare-esquire logic.

It's a lot easier to follow than his previous two, still gets trippy at times..but it still has a crazy elaborate palette of sound/music, and the film(!) stock and look is probably one of the best I've seen in an under-million dollar movie. Interestingly most of the characters are mute(on sides of good AND evil), Mrs. Leeds, the head of the screwed up clan is an unpredictable riot. Freaky and funny. It feels like you took Hansel and Gretel and merged it with Hills have Eyes, kind of like those old Creepy/Eerie comics from the 70's/80's. Mrs. Leeds definitely feels like one of those twisted crones. There's a few welcome moments of humor in it, it doesn't take itself TOO seriously but gets good and mean when it wants to. And it's very cool to see Ellen Sandweiss come back(she hasn't aged!), running through the woods shrieking once again..

Satan's Playground is a rare American feature in that it has more in common with its European brethren. Stylistically it is a beautiful nightmare that is on par with the best of Argento and Bava. Story wise...it is a beautiful nightmare. Perhaps that is where its charm lies. As with the best European and more specifically Italian horror films it is required that the viewer ease back and just enjoy the onslaught of cinematic pyrotechnics. Satan's Playground is just the same. While it flourishes with an overdose of great camera work and colors it is somewhat hampered by narrative. Argento couldn't be prouder. Step into Satan's Playground for the spectacle, not the substance and you will not be disappointed. For everyone else, they just don't get it.

When I first started really using IMDb I used to think it a bit weird that Dante Tomaselli films got such low ratings. Long before I frequented this site I read praising reviews of each one on one of the other sites I use to feed my interest and always thought he was some kind of indie notable even without seeing his films, only to read the round disdain on here and be rather shaken. Actually watching them though, it all becomes clear. I don't mean this in a derogatory sense, but his films are very much an acquired taste even within the realms of low budget independent horror. Still, I liked his earlier Desecration and I like this one as well. Satan's Playground tells what one might think is among the most standard of stories, a family travelling through the woods suffer a breakdown, only to find in searching for help that bad, bad things await in the woods. At first a crazed matriarch and her retarded spawn seem the main problem, but there's more out there than that. What with a bunch of cultists and an unseen flying menace (clearly Evil Dead inspired) along with a crazy family and the whole lost in the woods paranoia bit, all or at least most of the backwoods terror bases are covered. The interesting thing is that other than a connection between said crazy matriarch and the flying beast (its the Jersey Devil and the classic mythology is referred to) there isn't really anything holding the assorted menaces together, its just a matter of this stretch of wood being infested with bad stuff and our luckless family lumbering into it all. Now one of the biggest criticisms of the film is that the characters act like morons. They do. In a film aiming for some kind of relative realism the character actions would be indefensible from a critical point of view but I don't think that is the intention here. Rather Satan's Playground seems an effort to be backwoods horror at its purest, all logic and realism, all the connective tissue of sanity and relatable decisions boiled away to fetid skeleton. Strange, unpleasant things happen and the cast is mindlessly drawn in because the film isn't about the characters but the horror show. In fact with the number of times people say "I'll be right back" or variants thereof, events seem a smiling embracement of clichéd illogic. Of course any claims about point or purpose will come down to whether you dig the style. For me, though Tomaselli is undoubtedly flawed as a writer he has a real flair as a director. Cool aerial shots, smart compositions, well dispersed jolts and the odd passage of suspense, its a well handled ride with virtual roller-coaster pace. I was reminded a little of House of 1000 Corpses and even The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in the sense of gleeful insanity, though unfortunately also in the lack of gore. Like both of those films Satan's Playground really needed significant graphic punch, but it only achieves it once with a sweet throat slicing. Outside of that there isn't much bloodshed at all though, practically criminal as there are a few stabbings and lots of hammer blows to heads. Its a real shame as with more on screen nastiness this could have been a gem, but it just feels a bit defanged. At least the cast give their all, on the side of the angels Ellen Sandweiss and particularly Felissa Rose get put through a bit of a wringer and acquit themselves with compelling power. The villains are better though, Edwin Neal a creepy pleasure with his limited screen time as a creepy retard, Christie Sanford unsettling as his sister and veteran Irma St. Paul a blast in one of her last few roles as evil Mrs. Leeds. One of the more memorable crazed old ladies I've seen in a while, her doddery derangement is thoroughly watchable and even chilling. The sound design and scoring is on the money as well, creaks, cracks and cries effective and music of macabre lullabies, carnival mania and mournful drones. Its a classy package, but the aforementioned lack of gore really hurts it, as does absent character development and a somewhat weak close. Still, as a fan of weird low budget horror this one definitely satisfied my cravings, strong 6/10

I grew up watching hundreds of horror movies in my youth. And besides 'Malevolence', 'Satan's Playground' is the only other recent truly independently made movie that seems to capture the same vibe and feeling I had when I saw all those flicks as a young impressionable kid. It feels like a long lost forgotten nugget, plucked out of the early 80's and only NOW seeing release. In that respect alone, I love this flick.

It's hard not to geek out seeing Ellen Sandweiss back in the woods after all those years since THE EVIL DEAD. Sleepaway Camp's Angela has grown up into the beautiful Felissa Rose. And Ed Neal! Ed Neal from Texas Chainsaw made me smile the moment he came on screen and started acting nutty! I've seen and ENJOYED Dante Tomaselli's previous films, 'Horror' and 'Desecration', even with their "nightmare non-linear" style. But I can safely say that 'Satan's Playground' is by far his best, most polished film yet. And for the love of God, from what I read he didn't have a LOT of money to make this bad boy, yet he made a flick that looks like a million bucks!

Dante regular Christie Sandford steals the show. (And she's mute!) Just do a google search from images of her from this movie and tell me she's not a horror icon in the making?! If it's not the invisible monster in the woods that'll get this poor family, then it's the old lady and her creepy psycho kids. OR maybe the Satanists doing sacrifices out back! There's some creepy visuals sprinkled thru the entire movie.

Dante's off to a nice start with no end in sight. ('The Ocean' and 'SALEM' are in the works.) Even John Caprenter started out with 'Dark Star'.

Anchor Bay picked this movie up for a reason. It fits in perfectly with their catalog of the classics, such as Evil Dead & Halloween. Horror fans yearning to find that last old movie from that golden age of 80's horror that you never got the chance to see, rest easy. 'Satan's Playground' is here.