Tubes of Fire (1998) Online

If you're into movies about river tubers taking on Nazi kayakers, you're in for a treat. Director Pablo Kjolseth's subtle, different approach to the tuber-Nazi kayaker genre is refreshing as he lays down a convoluted tapestry of action, suspense and, above all, heart. Tom Oling ("Scott Throbb") takes on the role of 'uber-tuber' action hero with eye-popping intensity and yet, surprising grace. The only thing that eclipses his acting is his physical attributes, such as his ability to run and scowl. David Starr (Evil kayaker, "Jorg") is controversial to say the least, but all agree that the often-quoted, beer-fueled line, "shtay off my ree-vah" sends chills down the spines of even the most hardened and emotionally distant souls.

And for you experimental & avant-garde film buffs, yes, that is indeed the late Stan Brakhage narrating. Despite the serious debate about what the voice-over actually means, it's widely accepted that his involvement with the project was due to his full house getting topped by Kjolseth's four nines in one smoky back room in the early 90s.

It should also be noted that the rumors that seven people died while filming the fireball action climax (jet fuel explosion) are patently false. All were treated for superficial lacerations, light burns and were released the same day.

The tragedy is that this groundbreaking concept never got the funding from short-sighted Hollywood studios to be made into a full-length feature film (though Dreamworks was *this* close until Brad Pitt dropped out).

Actually, the deal on the table wasn't for one feature film, but THREE feature films. (Not a trilogy, mind you, but a single story divided into three parts.)

As for the rumors of the deaths in the explosive final scene, they're "officially untrue", but rumor has it that the incident did cast a pall over the project that may have hurt its chances with the major studios, as they didn't want to provide the "deep pockets" to inspire lawsuits from the families of the victims. But when you see that scene, in a strange way, you'll understand that the cost in human lives was well worth it.

I have heard some rumors, so I would like to state for the record that: At no time during the filming did I personally witness any harm come to any goats that were readily available on the set. I paid close attention to their welfare at all times (purely out of curiosity), and they all seemed to be doing just fine.

Of all of the films I have had the pleasure to be associated with, Tubes of Fire is the most evocative, prescient and tangible. Even to this day, I still wake up drenched in sweat pondering the same question about Scott that all who view this movie must -- What is he running from? Man?

Bowel-stirringly superficial tale of mild adventure.

I cannot tell you how almost excited I was through the first half of the film because I experienced severe lower abdominal cramps right after clicking "play," and had to run to the john and, well, you know...

Coupla minutes later, the thing was almost done, and I rewound and poked around a bit for funny bits, minor thrills etc. I found myself not quite disappointed, which believe you me is a much better "feeling" than severe lower abdominal cramping, which is why I give this film a perfect 10.