Alone in the Woods (1996) Online

I watched this movie and was bored out of my mind. It was just so extremely lame. It was such a Home Alone wannebe. The acting was so mediocre, and i have to wonder what the people were thinking when they made this movie. More than likely anyone that reads this hasn't seen the movie, and I won't tell you not to watch it, but I would not recommend it. The only reason I give it a 2 instead of a 1 is Blake Clark as Sarge trys to do something with this lame excuse for a movie.

You'd think there'd be at least a decent plot since it's just a rip-off of a good movie, that there would be something to enjoy in this movie. Hahahahahahaha. They butchered it into an illogical series of events and poor timing, while also removing every bit of humor and fun Home Alone provided. The quintessential way to screw up any movie. The attempts to homage this film but actually just make you want to cry became superfluous within 20 minutes. This "subplot" the film so called has is unrelated and I'm not sure if it even is a subplot, maybe, quite possible, it's the main story. I just don't know, it's so stupid, bland, illogical, messy and every other word you can think of which insults a movie. You could get more out of looking at the roof of your bedroom while hitting yourself in the head wit a hammer. So if you had to pick go with the hammer. The "plot" was bad enough so lets get into what is even worse about this film.

The acting. You can't expect De Niro or Hanks but this is appalling. The kids are horrible, the "chemistry" is as believable as Anakin and Padme, actually worse in fact and the adults are either as bland as white bread or even worse then the kids. I wouldn't be surprised if the director walked outside his office and yelled "WHO WANTS TO BE A PART OF A TERRIFIC HOME ALONE HOMAGE" and that is how he got the cast because seriously my primary school play featured better performances!!!!!

The effects are well interesting to say the least. Not as bad as something like Jaws 3D but when it's worse than a 1927 movie (Metropolis) it has to be bad.

The sets are bland and boring and the cinematography was performed by either a chimpanzee or someone who's film knowledge of masterpieces include Shark Exorcist and Baby Geniuses. Seriously it's not even bad just plain unprofessional and painful to watch because of it. I don't know the budget of this film but when they can't fill coffee in a cup or put some luggage in the boot of a car!!! you know this was taking with no effort and just a cheap scam to rip off a good movie.

In conclusion you gain nothing from this movie. I wasn't expecting some brilliant film because ignoring the fact I found this "film" at the bottom of a supermarket basket at $2, just looking at the cover is enough. In fact some actors on the cover are different to the ones in the actual film. Think about that. This is just pathetic and sad. It's not even stupid enough to be just a joke, they were serious enough to try and make "quality" entertainment, cheaply by latching onto the fame and hype of a classic. It was done lazy and unprofessionally. Seriously don't bother with this movie, you'll actually lose intelligence and just thinking more and more mke me feel mor like dumb dumb movie bad.

While the story line as okay, the acting was 3 rate at best. and plot cheesy and the execution leaves much to be desired, this film was a waste of time and effort. Do not bother watching it find something else to watch please spare your self. I have not seen such a lousy film since attack of the killer Tomatoes circa 1980. I give this film 0.0 stars and say throw it on the cutting room floor.

If you are desperate for something to watch the by all means give this film a whirl. I am sorry I just could not get past the obnoxiously bad acting and fourth rate dialog the syntax was wore then Baby Geniuses give me a break is this the best Hollywood can come up with now for family films a 3 rate garbage film with unknown actors and actresses, come on Hollywood you can do better then this.

Alone In The Woods is a bad attempt to copy the Home Alone concept with the young played by Brady Bluhm matching wits with the bad guys who are two of the dumbest that you can find.But this film pales compared to the John Hughes film. So if your looking for a good film stay away from this one about the only ones who will like this dog are the really young kids and it may be too much for them.

Chick Vennera is the only reason why I wanted to see this film. Mr. Vennera is very funny. Seeing a pregnant Laraine Newman is a sight to behold. It's good to see her acting again. I didn't really care for the film itself. Kids may like it, however some things in the film might give some kids bad ideas.

Two dopey kidnappers Get more than they bargain for when a super-smart ten year old uncovers their plot....and swings into action! In the mold of Home Alone Child gets separated from parents.